Forever By Your Side
by fuzzydream
Summary: It's 1927 and eight years of marriage and three beautiful children give Mr and Mrs Bates a lot to look forward to in the future. Life presents new obstacles as it leads John and Anna to a new stage of love, trust and companionship - with their own family included, now.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** I'm happy to say I'm back on the 20s now, though a little bit later than the show. :P This is probably an AU story, really, but might as well not be, if I have my way. Hope you'll like it - feedback is always very much appreciated, especially for a first chapter! Special thanks to my editor Terrie who suggested the title too. Thanks for reading!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Downton Abbey.

* * *

_Chapter One_

_June 1927_

It was a cloudy day; it looked like it would rain soon. No soft breeze, but peaceful all the same. A bit warm maybe, but not too much. It was getting darker by the minute. Children played outside their houses, but it wouldn't be long before they were all safely inside. For anyone watching the scene, it would be perfect.

Still, life inside those neat, well-maintained cottages was a completely different thing. Mothers taking care of the house, calling their children, working in the garden and, if one would just listen carefully to it, the distinct sound of a baby crying could be heard. Inside one of those cottages, one with a particularly pretty garden, the day was as busy as many others, and it didn't matter how peaceful it was outside.

Anna sighed patiently, balancing a teary-eyed two-year-old girl on her hip; the girl sobbed quietly, her pretty little face smeared with tears. Her dress was covered in ink, as well as her hands and, by consequence, there was ink on Anna's dress as well.

"Now, Lucy, it was only a scare," Anna said in a soothing tone, "You know you cannot play with that. But it's gone now. See?"

Lucy's bright blue eyes examined her now clean hands and she sniffed; Anna pondered, not for the first time, if Lucy had been crying because of the sudden splash of ink on her or because she had been discovered. Anna stared at her daughter with a firm look, and Lucy looked down.

"Lucy sowwy," the girl said in a small voice, her speech still not quite right, but making Anna smile all the same.

"It's all right, darling. Just don't do that again," Anna said, and Lucy nodded. With a reassuring smile, Anna took in her daughter's dress, and pursed her lips. "Now, what will Papa say when he comes home and sees you like this, young lady? Should we go change your dress?"

Lucy presented her a bright smile, throwing her hands up, "Yes!"

Anna let out a laugh at Lucy's excited tone, trying not to think about how she'd be able to get off all that ink from the little girl's dress; picking her up again, Anna suddenly felt so tired. With her husband away and three young children to take care of, sudden rushes of tiredness were getting difficult to overcome. It was still impossible to not smile though, especially when her baby girl presented her with that sweet smile of hers. She smoothed the little girls' dark curls as she walked them upstairs, to the small nursery room

She couldn't wait for John to be home. With Lord Grantham's business in London, John had to go with him five days ago, and was set to return later in the afternoon. Anna missed him, very much, and she knew the children missed him too. They were always very vocal about it, frequently asking her when he would be home and what they would do once their Papa arrived. Still, sometimes their impatience resulted in bad moodiness, not just for Anna, but for the children as well.

It didn't help that, merely a day after John had been gone, Jack and Beatrice fell ill with a flu. It was one thing to look after the children, but illness left them cranky and sad, which didn't help Anna at all. They were very well-behaved – they always did listen to her and rarely disobeyed her or John – and she really couldn't complain about them; seeing them sick only added to her natural concern over them, and made her miss her husband's presence even more. Luckily, Lucy remained as healthy as ever, but with her oldest children ill Anna was left with little time to give her youngest some very deserved attention – thus the ink disaster happening twice in a single week.

Responding correctly to Lucy's babbling – apparently they had many plans for when Papa arrived – Anna sighed and marched downstairs, holding Lucy's small hand as they descended the steps – as the little girl insisted she would walk down all the stairs. Anna knew better than to argue today; she knew her children well and they were all way too stubborn for their own good. She would normally tease John them getting that trait from him, but Anna was sure her own genes could be there as well.

She sighed, patiently descending the stairs slowly with a two-year-old holding her hand. If she was this tired even before John got here, she didn't even want to think about how she'd be at the end of the day.

"Mummy, Jack don't want me playin' with him and Timmy and I want to play with 'em!" Beatrice said loudly, slamming the front door open. Anna cringed at the sight of her, wearing her best Sunday dress, with her clothes covered in dirt.

She shouldn't have let them choose their own clothes today.

"Darling, what did I tell you and Jack about playing outside after you've taken your bath?" Anna told her as she finally stopped at the bottom step of the stairs, with Lucy running towards the parlour almost immediately. "Lucy, careful there!"

"That we shouldn't, 'cause it's getting dark and we want to be pretty and clean for when Papa arrives," Beatrice said in a well-practiced speech.

Anna smiled, "Good. I'll call Jack back and the three of you can play inside together. Can you stay inside with Lucy while Mummy does that?"

Beatrice nodded and went on running around the house as soon as Anna stopped speaking; her reprimand on her running did nothing to stop her. Anna took a quick look at the parlour and felt her energies draining slowly. Jack and Bea had recovered well from the flu and left the room in quite a state when she went out to the backyard to do the washing. Anna sighed once more – and to think that she had it all cleaned up after luncheon.

Jack was in an even worse state than Beatrice when Anna found him a few feet from their cottage, and she immediately asked him to come inside; it was getting dark outside and Anna knew John would be arriving soon. His dark hair, so much like his father's, was not tidy like when Anna had gotten him ready, and his smart clothes were dirty and creased.

"Jack, come inside, now!" Anna said, getting her little boy's attention. His eyes grew alert at her voice, and he cringed. "Look at yourself!"

Her tone was disapproving enough to get the boy to run towards his mother, knowing better than to disobey her. She caught his hand and tugged him back to the house.

"I'm sorry, Mummy, but Timmy was playing and I wanted to go too!"

She kneeled in front of him and tried to get his hair to the right side, though it was difficult to do so without the right amount of promenade, and Anna wasn't keen on using it on him when he was so young, even though Jack more than once requested it, wanting to look like his father. The boy was quiet under her gaze.

"Just because Timmy is playing, doesn't mean you can too," she sighed, and squeezed her son's shoulders softly. "Can you behave now? You all wanted to make a surprise for Papa, and now you are all so dirty."

"Papa won't mind, Mummy!" Beatrice interrupted. "He always says he loves us anyway."

Anna had to smile at this. "That he does," she reached to smooth Beatrice's hair as well, getting it out of her face. She smiled tenderly at her middle child. "Well, can you all stay here and don't get into any trouble? Mama needs to make dinner."

Beatrice nodded solemnly, never averting her eyes from Anna, who was now staring at Jack. Her little boy, older by barely a year than Bea, was quick to nod too, already eyeing the small train he had been playing with in the middle of the room. Their father's impending arrival made them more excited than usual, and she couldn't really blame them; she was excited as well.

Anna took a quick look at the three of them, and smiled; Lucy was busy drawing, this time, thankfully, with a pencil, and as Jack and Bea parted ways to play with other toys, she was almost sure they could be distracted enough to let her work quietly and fast enough to have them ready before John's arrival.

Anna turned and started to make her way towards the kitchen. She still needed to finish John's favourite pie. She had just got there when the voices from the parlour grew louder.

"No, Jack! This is my doll!"

"But Lucy wants to play with it!"

Anna rolled her eyes and started to walk back to the parlour. She knew her children well enough to know where this was going.

Putting her hands on her waist, she looked at the three of them, who stopped talking the moment their mother entered the room. Anna let out a tired sigh.

"All right," Anna started, "Who wants to help me cook?"

Three loud voices reached her ears immediately, and suddenly her three children were surrounding her.

This was going to be a long evening.

* * *

Anna had been brushing Beatrice's hair when Jack announced their father's arrival, from his place by the window. Beatrice took Anna by surprise when she stood up and ran towards the door along with Jack. Lucy was already sleepy, something for her, who generally slept earlier than her siblings but not this earlier. Anna picked her up as the girl stood up rather groggily, still eager to see her papa though not as much as before. She leaned against Anna's shoulder, and she briefly hoped her baby girl would be spared from the illness that had taken her brother and sister a few days ago.

She walked towards the door, stopping by the entrance, and saw her husband for the first time after five days. He made her heart skip a beat, as usual, and she really thought she would be used to it by now, after being in love with him for fifteen years, eight years of marriage and three children. Jack and Bea had reached him by now, and he had dropped his suitcase to the ground, along with his cane, to hug them both, his face full of love and joy. Lucy clapped her tiny chubby hands together when she saw her papa, and instantly demanded to get down, something Anna did gratefully. As John spotted their youngest, Anna thought she saw his eyes glisten just a bit. Of course he missed them. He kneeled down again, this time to greet his baby girl, and settled her in his arms. He'd complain about his knees later on, she knew, before they would go to bed. But she was sure he'd say it was all worth it.

Jack and Beatrice were already dragging his suitcase in unison back to the house, babbling and laughing, and Anna consciously smoothed her hair, thinking she should have taken a look at herself five minutes ago when she went upstairs to get the hairbrush. John stood up then, leaning on his cane and holding Lucy with his free arm, and only then looked at her. He smiled brighter. She couldn't help but do the same.

God, she missed him.

His steps were firm and quick, never taking his eyes off her as Lucy hugged him tight and Jack and Beatrice dragged his suitcase into the cottage in a rather dangerous motion.

"Jack, Bea, careful with that," Anna warned them softly, turning to find John right in front of her.

Before she could say anything, he pulled her into a soft, quick kiss, something that took Anna by surprise – she wouldn't ever complain, of course. She ran her hand through his arm and squeezed his elbow softly, smiling into the kiss, aware that the children were chatting a few feet from them and Lucy was still in his arms.

"I've missed you," Anna whispered.

"I've missed you too," John said, moving closer to kiss her once again, this time full of promise. A loud thump interrupted them, and Anna pulled away from John to look immediately at Bea and Jack, who were now in the middle of the parlour, Jack's hand holding one of the straps of John's battered suitcase, that had got free somehow, probably from all the dragging, while Beatrice had lost her balance and was now standing up.

"John and Beatrice!" Anna said exasperatedly, making both children's heads snap up alarmingly at the sound of their names. "What did I tell you about that? I hope we'll get that fixed because that suitcase belonged to your grandfather!"

"Sorry, Mama," Bea's tiny voice was the first she heard.

"I'm sorry, Mummy," Jack was quick to say, his eyes wide. "It wasn't on purpose."

Before Anna could say anything, John stepped in.

"It's all right, leave it there and we'll see what we can do later," he said softly, though his voice was tired.

As much as Anna wanted to say more, she refrained herself. She knew how much the suitcase meant to John, but they would find a way. She also knew how the children had been eager to see their papa, and she couldn't take their happiness away. So instead, she smiled at their eldest children, touched that John wouldn't mind about that now.

"Can we show Papa our surprise, Mama?" Bea asked excitedly, and Anna had to let out a laugh.

"Only after supper, darling," Anna told them, turning to John and Lucy, prompting to try to coax her youngest back into her arms again. "Come with Mama, Lucy. Let Papa have some rest."

Lucy refused, shaking her head rather vigorously for someone who looked like she'd be asleep soon just five minutes before. After much reluctance, she went to the floor willingly, running after her siblings into the kitchen. Anna let out a frustrated sigh, but smiled at her husband, so glad that he was finally home. He was chuckling as he took off his jacket and tie, and Anna couldn't help but feel the peace and calmness she only felt when her husband was there, by her side. When she turned to him, after hanging his jacket, he caught her in his arms, kissing her deeply, and Anna melted into the kiss quickly, her eyelids closing and savouring the taste of her husband, for the first time in days.

A loud bang interrupted them once again, the distinct sound of perhaps a chair falling onto the ground, and they stopped to hear silence and then whispering. John sighed dramatically and Anna giggled.

"Later," he promised, giving a quick peck on her lips before pulling away. "We better stop them from ruining the kitchen. God, I missed this."

A content laugh escaped Anna's lips as she followed her husband's steps. Everything was back to normal now.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Sorry it took me a while to update. Hopefully it'll be done regularly now. Reviews are very much appreciated! Thanks for reading!

* * *

_Chapter Two_

Anna smiled as she took in the scene before her; John was reading a new book he had bought for the children while in London. Bea was sitting on his lap, her eyelids blinking rather heavily as she struggled to keep up. Jack, on the other hand, seemed very much alert as he paid attention to every word his father read, his trained little eyes carefully watching the words from the book. John looked up when she walked into the parlour, carrying a sleepy Lucy in her arms. Her baby girl was getting heavier by the day, growing up so fast. Anna pressed her lips against Lucy's soft baby hair and the baby snuggled into Anna's neck.

It was rare, that all of them were awake now. John made a point of going home almost immediately after returning from a trip but it was unlikely for the children to actually be up by the time John got home after dressing Lord Grantham for the night. More often than not he got home to find three children in bed, sometimes Bea and Jack waiting for a bedtime story. Sometimes even Anna was in bed, though she usually waited up for him.

Anna set beside them, adjusting Lucy in her arms and running her hand through Jack's hair affectionately. Lucy immediately turned at the sound of her father's even tone of voice, but Anna frowned when she noticed the baby girl seemed a bit blushed, too much for her liking. Lucy was generally out like light within seconds, but she had been sleepy for hours now, without even a nap. As Anna pressed the back of her hand carefully on the baby's forehead, John spoke to her.

"How is she?"

"She is a bit warm," Anna replied, smoothing Lucy's hair as the girl moved to rest her cheek against her mother's shoulder, eyelids dropping heavily. "I'm going to get her ready for bed. Five minutes to the rest of you."

"But Mummy-" Jack started, though Beatrice barely moved a muscle, the day's excitement finally wearing her out.

"Papa is tired from travelling, darling," Anna told the little boy softly. "We must let him rest and I'm sure you'll have more time tomorrow."

Lucy was sound asleep by the time Anna finished changing her, tucking the girl safely inside her crib; she was adjusting the blanket around her when the little footsteps of Bea and Jack were heard, along with John's cane's quiet tap. Soon they were in their bedroom, talking quietly as they knew their sister would be asleep, no doubt with a warning from their father. As they climbed into their beds – it was a miracle they had managed to fit two small beds and a crib in the tiny bedroom – Anna kissed each of them, wishing them good night; Bea was nearly asleep by the time John kissed her forehead, and Anna heard her husband asking Jack to call them in case Lucy was out of sorts during the night, but she knew the boy would be asleep soon too.

Taking one more look at her youngest child before leaving the door only slightly ajar, she wasn't surprised to see her husband's gaze on her, and smiled.

"I'm going to check more on them tonight," Anna told him quietly. "I really hope Lucy isn't coming down with whatever flu took Bea and Jack."

John smiled sadly and took her hand in his free one and pulled her closer to him, for the first time since their greeting. Anna sighed contently, glad that her husband was home again.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here to help you," John said softly, moving his hand to rest on her waist as she leaned into him. "I know they can be a handful. And you must have been overwhelmed when they got sick."

"It's not your fault," she said, suddenly feeling all the stress of the past few days. She gulped silently, turning slightly and bringing her hands to John's chest. "You're here now. That's all that matters."

"I know, but I wish it wasn't this way," he sighed. "I missed them. I missed _you_."

"And we missed you, as we always do," Anna told him softly, bringing one of her hands to his cheek. "At least we can count on Lord Grantham not leaving for a few months now."

He chuckled and shook his head a bit bitterly. "I suppose we can count on that," he leaned down and caught her lips in a longing kiss; Anna closed her eyes at the feeling of his lips on hers, yearning for more. "God, I've missed you so much."

His tone was low, and yet she could feel the desperation in it. As much as John travelled, she was never used to him not being home and found it so hard to sleep by herself – even though the children often slept with her when their Papa wasn't home –, to not have him to talk to, to not kiss him goodnight every evening and not get her usual good morning kiss, even though she always returned to sleep after he left.

Before she could reply to him, he was kissing her again, more eagerly than before, and for a moment Anna gave in, unable to resist him. Soon, however, she was reminded that their children were only a few feet from them, with their bedroom's door slightly opened; she also remembered very well the state the parlour was in before she went upstairs, and she liked to have the cottage tidy before sleeping. John seemed to have other ideas, though.

"John, I need to straighten the parlour, and the children-" she started, but John interrupted her with another kiss.

"Leave it for tomorrow," he said, "and the children are asleep already."

It was impossible to resist him, especially after so many days without him; Anna was well aware that she wouldn't want anything different for his first night back anyway. She shook her head, a playful smile on her face, and took his hand before leading him into their bedroom, at the other end of the small corridor. The parlour's mess could wait; she couldn't.

* * *

John pressed a kiss into Anna's hair as she snuggled into him, lacing her fingers with his as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders; he heard her let out a content sigh and had to control himself to not do the same. God, he had missed this; one might think five days would go by fast in a city like London, but not for him – not without his family. He absentmindedly ran his fingers through his hair, the feeling of Anna's naked body against his being enough to occupy his mind as his eyes focused on the parts of her that weren't covered by the bed sheets. He watched her chest's rise and fall as her breathing got back to normal, his thumb stroking the side of her hand softly. He shifted and looked at her face, her sparkly eyes half closed and a smile lighting up her features. She got more beautiful every day.

She brought her other hand to his cheek as she looked at him, stroking his skin gently, then turned just a bit to rest her hand on the crook of his neck. She pressed a kiss there and he inhaled sharply.

"How are you?" John whispered, referring to her last few days by herself.

She smiled against his skin. "Very well, thanks to you."

John rolled his eyes, flushing slightly at her implication. "You know what I mean. How have you been? What did I miss?"

Anna chuckled lowly. "You missed two sick, demanding children and one healthy, demanding toddler," she shook her head. "Poor angels."

He ran his hand up and down her arm leisurely. "How did you cope?"

"You know me," she shrugged. "I worry. But I can handle them. I'm glad they are all better now. They couldn't wait to see you."

John smiled sadly; he couldn't help but regret leaving, as short as his stay in London had been. He knew the children could be a handful and he knew how much Anna hated seeing them sick, how much it worried her. They had needed him and he hadn't been there. This wasn't the first time this happened nor would be the last, he knew that. It didn't make it any easier, though.

"I couldn't wait to see all of you either," he squeezed her shoulder gently.

She pulled away just enough to look at him. "Tell me about London. How was it?"

"The usual," he said. "Didn't do much. Stopped by the house to see how the Collins were doing."

"Oh, did you?" Anna asked him with a smile. "I reckon that Mrs Collins must have had her baby already."

The Collins were the family who lived in their house in London for the past six years; John took advantage of any visit in London to take some time and see them, to make sure there were no complaints. They were good people, and Anna seemed to be fond of Mrs Collins, perhaps because they probably understood each other as mothers of young children. The words, however, left John's mouth almost automatically. It hadn't been the way he had meant to bring this up.

"No, not yet. Shouldn't be long, though," John told her. "We had a nice chat. They are… They are actually interested in buying the house."

Anna's eyes widened at this, as it was clearly not what she expected. She frowned, searching for an answer within his features, and John had to fight the urge not to smile. It was difficult to get his wife speechless.

"That's unexpected," she mumbled. "I thought the market wasn't good. We had no luck when we tried selling a few years ago."

"Well, that was a while ago," he reasoned, remembering Bea had just been born when they had tried that.

"Yes, you are right," she agreed, still frowning. He knew her mind was working fast now. "What did you tell them?"

"That I'd speak to you."

She gave him a weak smile. "It's your house. No need to talk to me about it."

"There's every need," John told her softly. "You're my wife. You know I wouldn't make any decisions without you."

She arched her eyebrows, a smirk playing on her features. "You have in the past."

John rolled his eyes good naturedly. "Not anymore," he smiled. "And the house is yours. It's in your name."

Anna took a deep breath. "So what do you want to do?"

He could detect some anxiousness in her low tone of voice.

"I'm not sure," he said honestly, "My ultimate wishes haven't changed, but we would need to talk to Mr Murray about prices. Among other issues. The house is located in a good neighbourhood. If they paid its right value we could buy something much bigger around here."

She smiled, though remained silent; they both knew what his words meant. After his release from prison, they had agreed to try to save the money from the house's rent for a future use; perhaps the little hotel they had talked about so long ago. It was still a wish of theirs, despite all the changes in their lives. Their savings, however, had to start being spent once Anna left service to care for Jack, as it had been expected after not receiving Anna's steady income every month. Now, with three children, it was much harder to save than before, even though he and Anna managed it – still, not enough for them to buy a place with only that money.

Anna's eyes twinkled as he said these words, and she shifted to lie on her stomach, one of her hands stroking his hair delicately. She smiled.

"Don't you tease me with that, John Bates," she told him playfully, leaning in to kiss his lips softly.

He grinned. "What do you say?"

She pursed her lips. "I say you should speak Mr Murray. And then we'll study the possibilities."

"You are right, of course," they exchanged a smile, and Anna slowly pulled away from him. "Where are you going?"

"To check on the children," she answered simply.

John shook his head. "Let me do that. You're tired, you should rest."

She was already sitting up in bed, and John had to stop for a moment to admire her naked torso – eight years of marriage and three children later she could still mesmerise him with her body. He was disappointed when she reached for a nightgown in the chair next to her side of the bed, but John sat up immediately. Anna turned to him.

"John, no, you've been working the whole day," she said.

"Anna, I've been away for days. It's the least I can do," he smiled softly at her. "They're my children too. Go back to bed."

She smiled and did as she was told; she actually looked tired. John stood up.

"And no peeking for you," he said, earning a giggle from her as he walked slowly to the wardrobe they shared, quickly picking out a pair of pyjama trousers and an undershirt. He caught her staring as he finished dressing, her eyes dark, and he had to smile. He should go soon before Anna distracted him.

The children were all fast asleep when he got there. Not using his cane as it might wake them up, he carefully covered Bea, who in a not unusual occurrence had pushed her blankets aside in her sleep. He smiled as he eyed each of them, feeling complete now that he was home. His children – beautiful and perfect and different in their own way – were his pride and joy, and he couldn't bear to be apart from them for too long. He had never thought this would be possible for him – a proper family, a proper home – and he had once starved in love and companionship. Nowadays, he couldn't wish for anything more.

When he came back, five minutes later, Anna's breathing was even, and he knew she was struggling to keep awake. He got into bed, the smile never leaving his face, and placed a chaste kiss on her lips.

"Goodnight, my love," he whispered before Anna turned to her side, her back to him. He encircled her waist and one of her hands rested over his.

"Goodnight, John," she breathed, leaning into him. "I love you."

He kissed her hair one more time before replying to her.

It was good to be back.

* * *

John leaned against the small kitchen's doorway, watching quietly as Anna moved around the room, an eye on the frying pan while opening the oven to check on the toast. He smiled; her hair was still messed up from sleep and she was still wearing her nightclothes underneath her robes, which was rather unusual as Anna was always already dressed by the time to make breakfast. He had planned on letting her sleep when he placed a soft kiss on her cheek before getting up, but she woke up the next minute, stating she had a lot to do and should have been up already. He knew she'd argue, but Anna continued to surprise him every day; in her he found much more than love. He truly could not have ever wished for a better wife and mother to his children.

She turned, spotting him by the door, and smiled.

"Hello, you," she said quietly, eyeing him appreciatively. "You're looking very handsome."

He smiled at her teasing, seeing as he was wearing his normal work clothes. Walking slowly towards her, he couldn't help but encircle his arms around her waist and steal a kiss from her. Anna chuckled.

"I'm busy here, in case you didn't notice," she told him before he pulled away with a smile.

"A man cannot even greet his beautiful wife properly nowadays before she shoos him off," he complained good naturedly, and Anna shook her head at him.

"I'd have expected at least one of them awake by now," John commented, noting the time.

Anna let out a laugh. "No, they should wake up later this morning. They were up earlier than usual yesterday. Too much excitement."

They exchanged a look and he rested his cane against the counter and poured himself some coffee, a luxury he had every morning before going to Downton Abbey. He stole another glance at Anna as he took a sip, whilst she swiftly took the toast out of the oven. He noticed she looked a bit pale – still tired, perhaps. Sometimes he wondered if it was too much for her – he really didn't understand how she could care for the children and still have the cottage immaculate by the time he got home every evening. Her eyes flickered over his cup of coffee and she wrinkled her nose almost imperceptibly, but he was quick to notice that.

"Anna, are you feeling all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine," she met his glare, and sighed in defeat. "My stomach feels a bit out of sorts. But other than that, I feel completely fine."

"Really?" he knew he sounded sceptical. The last thing he wanted was for Anna to have caught the flu.

"Really," Anna glared at him, taking in a deep breath. "I'm sure it'll go away as soon as I eat something. Don't worry."

John was about to argue when the soft noise of known little footsteps reached his ears, and he smiled upon seeing Beatrice entering the kitchen, yawning. His little girl was a lot like Anna in many ways; one look at her and anyone could tell she was Anna's daughter, despite the dark hair. Anna often argued that what she had of hers in appearance she got from John in character. The little girl smiled happily when she spotted him, her bright eyes sparkling in the gentle childish innocence.

"Papa!" she said happily, taking fast steps to reach her father, who picked her up and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Good morning, Bea," John greeted her. "What do you tell Mama?"

"Good morning, Mama," Beatrice promptly said, rubbing her eyes tiredly but still smiling.

Anna smiled back, albeit a little faintly, and ignored John's gaze on her, focusing on their daughter.

"Good morning, angel," Anna said with a smile, "Your breakfast will be ready in a minute. Did you have good dreams?"

The little girl nodded as John put her down and she walked towards the kitchen table, sitting rather abruptly in one of the chairs, obviously not quite awake.

"Papa was home with us all day, and we played all day together!" Bea answered, a yawn interrupting her exciting tale. "Can you stay home with us all day, Papa? Like Mama?"

"Not today, darling," John told her quietly, grabbing his cup and cane and sitting beside his daughter. "Papa needs to work."

"Some other day, maybe," Anna interrupted them, serving Beatrice a small bowl of porridge and eggs for John. "I'm sure Papa would love to do that."

Her smile was full of hope and it seemed to satisfy Beatrice's wishes for now; with Anna's smile in his mind, he decided he could hope too.

Some other day, yes. Perhaps soon.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Another try to post regularly! Not sure if I'll make it to next week but I'll try. Thanks for everyone who has reviewed so far - I know it can seem a bit of a waste of time but I guarantee each review makes my day and certainly makes me enjoy writing even more. Feedback is always very much appreciated and it encourages me to write more. I'd love to know what you think. Hope you'll enjoy this chapter!

* * *

_Chapter Three_

Anna stretched lazily when she finally got to their bedroom, glad that the day was over and she could get to bed in a little bit. Taking off her shoes, she sighed contently before walking towards the bathroom door. The children were asleep and the cottage was tidy; she just needed to check on her husband.

She opened the door slowly and found John still in the bathtub, his wet hair dripping water onto the floor as he rested his head against the wall. She smiled. More often than not, when the children were still awake when he got home, he'd tell them stories, or read them something – these were getting longer every day, and she could understand why he was so tired tonight. Hearing her movement, he opened his eyes and smiled at her, and she immediately melted under his gaze.

"I brought fresh towels," she offered, entering the small room.

"Thank you," he said as she approached and put the towels on a small chair next to the tub. "You are looking very beautiful. I don't think I've told you that today."

Anna chuckled and shook her head, mildly distracted by the broad expanse of John's chest against the water. She was glad there was still a reasonable amount of foam on the surface of the water. She was sure she looked quite the picture, with her bare feet and her untidy hair and the tiredness of a day behind her.

"You haven't, but thank you," she sighed. "I just really want to get in bed with you and sleep until some late hour."

John chuckled. "Get in here with me. It'll help you relax a bit."

She glared at him. "John-"

"The children are asleep and I just want you to relax," he told her sternly, a serious look on his face. "I know you're tired. Get in here with me. You know there's enough room."

She arched her eyebrows. "I know that all too well," at his grin, she sighed in defeat. She couldn't tell him no. "All right, then."

Unbuttoning her dress unhurriedly, catching John's eye every now and then as she undressed, she had to admit her spirits were better already. It had been a while since they spent some time together, mainly in each other's presence without the children, especially in the last few days with the amount of work they both had. Only two days ago Jack had broken his arm in a moment of mischief while climbing a tree; worry had overcome Anna even though the little boy was fine and already up and about under his mother's watchful eye. She had been glad John had been just at the Abbey at the time and he had calmed her down; while she had always known herself as a sensible person, her children often made her rethink that.

The water was warm against her skin as she joined her husband in the tub. Quickly settling herself in front of him, her back to his chest, Anna felt her limbs stretching and her muscles relaxing and she nearly moaned at that. John kissed her temple and she sighed, resting her head on his shoulder. He stroked her forearms softly, both on the edges of the tub, and she slowly felt the tension of the past days slip out of her body. Only John could do that for her.

"This feels good," she said quietly as he laced their fingers together. "This was a very good idea, Mr Bates."

She felt his smile against her skin as he kissed her jaw, "Good, Mrs Bates. My mother always said a hot bath could do wonders after a long day."

"Your mother was a wise woman," Anna commented. "How are you?"

"Fine," John answered. "I suspect the trip to the attics made my leg a bit stiff today. Should be fine in the morning."

"I can give you a massage before we go to bed," she offered, but he shook his head.

"Nonsense. I'm sure it'll be fine in the morning," he took a deep breath and Anna snuggled further into him. "I'm hoping to hear from Mr Murray tomorrow about the house in London. I might need to make a short trip there this week, if his Lordship allows it. Perhaps you could come with me. We could have a day out with the children. Do you think they'll like it?"

Anna smiled at his excited tone.

"They'd love it. It would be tiring because of the train journey, but I think they would love it," she told him. "I'm not enough for them, it seems. They only ask after you."

"Silly girl," he whispered, kissing her temple and moving his hands from hers to wrap them around her waist, underwater. "How was your day?"

"The usual," she let out a deep breath. "Your son has been quite restless with an immobilized arm."

He chuckled, the vibrations of his chest tickling her back as she slowly caught the soap. She still had something else to talk to him about, but she was having trouble finding the right words. She would think it would have got better after all this time. John's hands left her as she began washing herself, the water still very warm; he leant his head against the back of the tub again and Anna sat upright.

"He's a lot like you too, darling," John said, and she looked back to find him closing his eyes.

Anna smiled but a slow frown appeared on her features. She heard John sigh and not for the first time realised how lucky she was to have him there, with her; how that might not have been possible with all the circumstances thrown at their relationship. And yet, here they were, enjoying some quiet time together with three beautiful, healthy, perfect children sleeping just down the corridor. Not even in her dreams she had been so daring. She was lucky – they were lucky. And she couldn't understand why such a dread feeling had consumed her today.

He kept silent as Anna washed herself and she checked a couple of times to be sure he hadn't fallen asleep. Just as she put the soap away, however, she decided it was time to speak.

"I'm going to try to see Dr Clarkson tomorrow," she announced, her voice barely above a whisper, turning her head to look at John.

His eyes snapped open instantly and he raised his head, frowning. "Anna, Jack is perfectly fine. He's just frustrated at his immobilised arm."

"It's not Jack, I…" she started, looking down at water at a loss. John sat upright too. She pursed her lips before looking at John resolutely. "I think I might be pregnant."

Realisation hit him and the frown disappeared. Confusion replaced it.

"Are you quite sure?" was his question.

Anna nodded slowly. "I think so. I'm not exactly new at this. But I'm not completely certain, of course," she took a deep breath. "I'll try to see Dr Clarkson soon."

John nodded at her words, slipping his arms around her waist and bringing her to rest against him. He really did have a way of making everything seem right. He kissed her shoulder.

"You do know I'm pleased, don't you?"

Anna smiled, cupping his cheek and turning to look at him. "Of course I do," she planted a soft kiss on his lips. "We should get out. The water is getting cold."

She stepped out of the bathtub a moment later, grabbing one of the towels and wrapping herself in it to avoid feeling cold. She exchanged a smile with John as he stepped out of the bathtub too, but somehow she felt like no words were really needed anymore. She walked towards the door to their bedroom, as she hadn't brought any clothes with her, and slowly got consumed by her own thoughts again. Another baby was entirely unexpected – she was sure John would agree. They had both thought Lucy would be their last child; they had both agreed that it would be best to stop at three.

Anna knew there was no confirmation yet but experience told her she was right; it matched her previous pregnancies, and she remembered them very well. Four children – she had never thought it would be possible for them. She sat at her vanity to braid her hair, already dressed for bed, and took a look at herself in the mirror. They weren't exactly young anymore, and the children were still so dependant. They would have to find room for one more. Their little bedroom was already so small for three, and they were still young children.

John appeared already dressed by the doorway, a slight smile on his face, and Anna met his eye through the mirror. It wasn't ideal, she knew. They hadn't planned it this way; though, if she were honest, they had only planned for Jack, really. And she couldn't imagine life without her little girls.

"I know you are worrying, and so am I," he said softly, walking towards her as she stood up. "But you have given me three wonderful children and even though this isn't ideal I could never be sad over such news."

He opened his arms invitingly and she gladly stepped into them, pressing her ear against his chest as he hugged her.

"It's not confirmed yet," she told him softly, "so we won't worry now. I am concerned, yes, but I won't be sad if this makes me a mother again."

He kissed the top of her head. "I just wanted to be sure. Any child would be lucky to have you as their mother, no matter what the circumstances are."

She pulled away to look at him, feeling better all of sudden again. They'd find a way and it would work. She knew they would.

John kissed her lips softly and she let go of him to slip into bed. A moment later, burrowed in the covers, her husband joined her, his strong arms encircling her and she laced their fingers together – coincidentally or not, right underneath her waist. She took a deep breath. John was right. Despite everything, she could never be sad about this. Their family was way too valuable for that.

"If this turns out to be a false alarm, however, we'll stick to the original plan," she said with a smile, and John chuckled. "Just so you don't get any ideas."

"Yes, ma'am," he said, kissing her hair.

She had a feeling they both knew how empty those words were.

* * *

Anna adjusted Lucy on her lap and let out a content sigh at the sight of her children sitting quietly having some biscuits; a simple walk to the village was seen as a big adventure for three small children, and Anna had to admit they were a bit of a handful sometimes, no matter how well behaved they were. She was outnumbered with three eager, curious children.

She sipped her tea and responded correctly to their excited babbling, glad to be out of the cottage anyway. Normally their elderly neighbour, Mrs Turner, would be happy to take care of them for a few hours while Anna did her errands, but that had not been possible today; she and John liked to take the children there together, where they both could look after them, and Anna only had two hands, one of which was normally occupied carrying Lucy now that she was too big for her stroller.

Seeing them now, however, she was glad she had brought them along. They were excited but since they had done as she had told them so far, she had agreed they could have some biscuits. Even though their presence made it impossible for her to get the main reason of her trip to the village done, they were far too happy and excited for her to regret the circumstances. When Jack happily mentioned school, however, Anna's trained eyes went to Beatrice, who immediately turned to her.

"Mummy," Bea said with a pout. "Why can't I go to school with Jack?"

"We've already told you, darling," Anna said patiently. "When Jack starts, you'll need to wait for one year and then it's your turn."

"One year?" Bea asked, leaning back against the chair. "That's a lot, Mummy!"

"It'll go by fast, angel," Anna said to the little girl, reaching her arm to stroke her soft cheek. Bea looked down, still sad, and Anna smiled softly. The tea room's front door opened and a familiar face entered. Anna's smile grew brighter, and she looked at her oldest children with a twinkle in her eyes. "Look who just came in!"

Bea and Jack's heads snapped up and both children smiled brightly upon seeing Mrs Hughes, who had already spotted them. Anna let out a chuckle as Bea immediately got up from her chair to meet the housekeeper halfway.

"Mrs Hughes, look! I think I'm taller than Jack now!" Beatrice said proudly, jumping up and down excitedly.

"My, my, you have grown in the last week!" Mrs Hughes said affectionately to the little girl. This, however, made Jack motion to leave his seat as well.

"But I am-"

"Jack," Anna's voice was quiet but stern, and the little boy remained quiet. The eternal height battle had taken its toll last week when John announced Bea would soon be taller than Jack if she kept growing so much, a simple statement that had caused both children to create quite a commotion, even though the little girl was still shorter than her brother. The last thing Anna wanted at the moment was for them to start fighting now, when they had been behaving so well. She turned to the older woman with a kind smile. "Mrs Hughes, will you sit with us?"

"Well, if it's not a bother…"

"You know it isn't. Please," Anna insisted, and Mrs Hughes sat across from her. "Enjoying some time off?"

"I had some errands to run and it's been a quiet day. Mr Carson didn't like my leaving, but you know how he is," Mrs Hughes said with a smile. Jack and Bea were giggling. "It's been quite some time since I ran into all of you around here."

"Mrs Turner couldn't watch them, and I had some errands to run," Anna said helplessly, smoothing Lucy's soft hair. The baby girl seemed quite content with her biscuit. "Since they've behaved appropriately I thought they deserved a treat. Jack, please, don't pull your sister's hair."

Whatever game the children were playing often resulted in that, and Anna's warning served to keep them quiet for now. Mrs Hughes eyed her with concern.

"Have you managed to do all you needed, Anna?" she asked.

"Most of it, yes," Anna answered absentmindedly. "I think I'll come back tomorrow if Mrs Turner can watch Jack and Bea."

"Well, I can watch them now if you'd like," Mrs Hughes offered kindly. "I've nowhere to be in the next hour or so, and it would spare you the time tomorrow."

Anna looked at the housekeeper in surprise. "Oh, Mrs Hughes, I could never-"

"It wouldn't be any trouble, my girl," she said. Anna smiled.

"Well, I do have one last thing to do," Anna admitted, butterflies forming in her stomach. "I don't think it would be too long."

"Well then, what's the matter?" Mrs Hughes asked with a smile. "I'll take little Lucy and we can have some more biscuits."

Anna considered the offer, catching the children's excited looks and smiling. She took a deep breath. She needed to know. Get it all over with. Have a long conversation with John in the evening.

"All right," she consented, standing up a moment later to pass Lucy to Mrs Hughes. She sighed. "I really won't be long."

"We will be fine," Mrs Hughes insisted, settling a happy Lucy on her lap.

After saying goodbye and telling the children to listen to Mrs Hughes, she left the tea room, on her way to the hospital. She was confident that if Dr Clarkson was there she could finally have some confirmation – or any certain result, really. She could easily be wrong, she briefly thought as she walked; her cycle had been quite irregular since Lucy was born. It seemed rather scary, to have four children so close together and perhaps she had been wrong indeed. Of course she was curious and even excited, but she couldn't help but think their less than ideal situation would make her rather relieved if she wasn't with child. Of course, Dr Clarkson would be the only one to answer her that.

She pushed the hospital's door open.

* * *

The children had greeted John enthusiastically, as usual, when he got home later that night. He had been lucky enough that Lord Grantham had retired earlier than usual and all the children were wide awake then. He kissed Bea and Jack's heads and took his coat off; it was a rather warm evening. Both children were already clad in their nightclothes, happily babbling about their day in the village. His heart lurched a bit at that. Mrs Hughes had mentioned running into them in the afternoon and he couldn't help but wonder if Anna had gone to see Dr Clarkson.

The children's excitement over a day out was always enchanting, and he smiled, responding correctly to them. He knew that, if the pregnancy had been indeed confirmed, it would come as a surprise, though he couldn't ever see it as a bad one. Anna had made him so much more than he had aimed to be; a husband, a father. His family was his reason for living and he had to admit he was in fact excited at the prospect of another baby. He remembered times of Anna pregnant and Jack and Beatrice as small babies. It was such a difficult time for Anna, he remembered, that Beatrice was a newborn and Jack was only a year old, but she had always looked so happy and content he never heard her complain. They were a little older now, and Lucy wasn't as young as Jack was.

Leaving the children in the parlour, occupied with their own toys, he walked towards the kitchen, further into the hall. Anna was holding a spoonful of mashed potatoes, a helpless look on her face as Lucy closed her lips and shook her head. He had witnessed such a scene way too many times; their little Lucy was terribly picky with food and very stubborn for a two year-old. Anna turned when he stopped by the doorway, a somewhat shaky smile on her features.

"You're early," she commented, turning back to Lucy. "Please, sweetheart."

"No, no, Mama," Lucy muttered her favourite words clearly. Anna let out a deep breath.

"His Lordship retired early tonight," John walked towards them. "Do you want me to try?"

"All right," Anna said dejectedly. He noticed the tip of her nose was a bit red. Her eyes seemed tired. "I still need to finish up the kitchen, but this young lady simply won't eat."

She dropped the spoon and pinched Lucy's cheek softly, making the girl giggle. John smiled at their interaction, but he noticed Anna's eyes lacked the usual sparkle. She stood up.

"I'll leave you to it," Anna said, meeting his eye. John knew he looked worried.

"Anna," he said quietly, mindful of the children in the next room. "Is there anything wrong?"

She smiled again. It did not reach her eyes. "No, of course not. I'll wash the dishes. You usually have more luck with Lucy than I do."

John sighed, but smiled as he sat down in front of Lucy's high chair, smoothing her dark curls. Lucy responded with a smile. He'd need to wait until the children were settled before talking to Anna.

"Now, Lulu," he said, looking at the little girl with a serious expression. Lucy remained smiling. "Let's make Mummy happy. She needs you to have a proper dinner."

Anna chuckled as she took some plates from the small table. He was glad to hear that.

"No, no, Papa," Lucy said, and he sighed. He would have to try something else; small trains and choo choo noises rarely entertained Lucy. She was serious now.

"All right then, we can just talk. Do you want a story?" the little girl nodded, her lips parting just a bit. John smiled. "When I was a little boy…"

He approached the spoon and her mouth opened automatically, as it normally did; he never said anything besides those words and yet Lucy always seemed interested when he said it. Anna chuckled again at the sight of their daughter chewing some food, finally, and John met her eyes again. She seemed a little brighter now.

"I don't know how you do it," she commented.

"Well, I'm lucky my daughter really likes my voice," he said quietly. Anna arched her eyebrows.

"Like her mother, then," she told him with a grin. "I swear I could hear you talk all day sometimes."

"And yet I remember you telling me to stop talking on some occasions," John said when she walked past him. He grabbed her hand in passing, making her turn around with a yelp. He chuckled and settled his hands on her waist, just as her hands came to rest on his shoulder. Her eyes trailed over his face and she ran her fingers through his hair slowly. "Anna. Are you all right? That's all I want to know."

She smiled. "Yes. I am all right," she leaned down and kissed his lips. "Don't worry."

"Stowwy, Papa?" Lucy's voice interrupted them, and Anna laughed before wriggling off his embrace, returning to her tasks.

John smiled at his baby daughter, filling a spoon with food again. "Of course."

He flickered his eyes over to Anna again as he talked. She was all right. That was enough to put his mind at ease for now.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** New chapter! The end of semester was a bit crazy, so I'm sorry it took me so long. I'll reply to all the reviews very, very soon. Hope you'll like this chapter! Reviews are very much appreciated - maybe some reviews will make Chapter Five come quicker? :P There's a lot in store for them soon. Any bets? :) Thanks for reading!

* * *

_Chapter Four_

John closed the book with a soft thud and looked at his children's faces. Both Beatrice and Jack, happily snuggled in their beds, blinked rather heavily, barely even acknowledging that reading time was over. He chuckled to himself, putting the book away on the little bedside table between their beds. Jack protested, out of habit.

"Tomorrow, son," John answered, messing with the boy's hair affectionately. "The book won't run away."

He turned to wish Beatrice goodnight and she gave him a kiss on the cheek, her little arms encircling his neck briefly before she snuggled back into bed. He adjusted the blankets around her and she giggled. He chuckled again and bid them goodnight. A quick look at Lucy, still lost in dreamland ever since before her siblings went to bed, gave John the certainty that they were securely ready for bed. Just as he reached the door, two sleepy voices said almost in unison.

"I love you, Daddy."

"Love you, Daddy."

He smiled, his heart swelling at this. He doubted the two of them knew how much it meant for him to hear those words. "I love you too. Sweet dreams."

John left the door slightly ajar as usual, the soft light coming from the children's bedroom illuminating the hallway. Anna would often argue he already got home tired from work and should not stay up to indulge Jack and Bea to one or two or three more stories, or a little more play, but he didn't mind. It was the only time of the day when he could enjoy his children properly, without worrying about going back to the Abbey, if he happened to catch them awake. He felt a bit tired after joining the little ones in a game buccaneers and princesses, and his cane somehow became a sword in the midst of it all. At Anna's insisting, they put the children to bed, and she had left them to hear a story before sleep. John sighed before reaching for his and Anna's bedroom's door; they had yet to have a chance to properly talk. He could only hope she wasn't asleep already.

As he opened the door, however, he was met by the faint light coming from Anna's bedside table lamp. She was sitting up, holding a book in her hands, and smiled a bit shakily when he entered the room, he noticed. He smiled back.

"Are they asleep?" she asked him quietly.

John nodded. "Or will be, within the next five minutes."

"They had an eventful evening with you home," Anna commented, eyes back to the book as he turned from her to change his clothes. "You wore them out."

"Well, they wore me out as well," John said, "so we're even."

The following moments were spent in a somewhat curious silence. He didn't want to bring up the subject, and not for the first time that evening pondered over whatever Dr Clarkson informed her that afternoon. He wasn't sure how Anna would react. Of course a new pregnancy wouldn't have been planned and they had little room as it was, but he hoped that would change soon, what with the prospects of finally selling the house. For the first time, a pregnancy didn't make him question his age or ability of caring for children. He had faith they could do it and he was almost hoping the pregnancy had been confirmed. As he turned from the wardrobe, clad in his sleeping clothes, he noticed Anna still had the book open, but wasn't really reading any words.

He worried for her.

"How was your day?" John asked softly, but his wife didn't seem to register his words. "Anna."

This brought her out of her reverie, and for a moment her expression was one of total loss. She smiled a moment later, though, but John noticed she still seemed apathetic.

"I'm sorry, darling," Anna said, blinking softly. "What did you say?"

"Just asked how your day was," he told her dismissively as he crossed the room to his side of the bed. Anna put the book away on the bedside table.

"It was all right. I know the children already told you a detailed version of our day," she said with a chuckle.

He joined her under the blankets, sitting against the headboard like her; sometimes it was still surreal to believe that he had Anna every day, that he could touch her and hold her without a care in the world. She adjusted the ribbon that held her braid together and he remembered her, years ago, accepting a tray that held more than just supper and a get well wish. Prison, misery, three children and many years later, here they were. And Anna was every bit as beautiful as she was on that day. Even more so. John reached for her hand.

"I haven't heard your version," he offered, desperate for answers, but decided against asking the wrong questions. Anna laced their fingers together.

She looked down. "No, you haven't," her smile seemed sincere when she met his gaze again. She squeezed his fingers. "There's a little detail you haven't heard of."

His heart skipped a beat when she guided his hand to rest on her belly. Even with all the layers between his hand and her skin, a rush of emotion invaded him almost immediately. His eyes searched hers for some confirmation, but Anna simply lay her hand on top of his and took a deep breath before closing her eyes.

"I went to see Dr Clarkson. He says I'm around three months pregnant," she breathed. When she opened her eyes again, he saw unshed tears there. He reached for her cheek with his free hand. "We're going to be parents again, John."

He caressed her face and an inevitable smile crossed his features. Anna let out a giggle at this, her free hand smoothing his hair in a calming manner. John let out a sigh. They were having another child. A new baby. The children would be ecstatic. He was. How could he not be? He leaned down to kiss his wife, but stopped midway as a thought occurred to him

"And… and you, are you all right?" he mumbled, a frown appearing in his forehead. "We need to be careful. You should slow down a bit."

Anna nearly rolled her eyes.

"I'm perfectly fine," she assured him with a smile. "You can kiss me now."

He chuckled and happily obliged. Her lips, eternally sweet to him, seemed almost yielding, almost desperate for him. Her eyes were glassy when he pulled away, even though she still smiled, and John grew concerned. Cradling her face in both hands, he realised how vulnerable Anna was, and he couldn't blame her, even though it pained him to see it. Of course she worried, and of course she wouldn't be taking the situation lightly. There were so many things involved, and so many things to be considered, but he knew they would make it work. A new life he and Anna created – he absolutely couldn't be happier.

"You'll get it all," she told him before sniffing and smiling again. "You once jokingly told me you wanted four. I thought it was absurd. And, yet, it is happening."

John smiled. "Four is a good number," he kissed her temple. "We'll make this work, Anna."

She settled in his arms, resting her head on his chest and nodding slowly at his words. "I love you, John."

The words made his smile brighter.

"And I love you."

Four was a good number, indeed.

* * *

"Anna, are you all right?" Lady Mary's tone was somewhat worried and Anna took a deep breath before serving her tea. "You look very pale."

She had woken up feeling nauseous and she doubted it would stop anytime soon. Lady Mary's visit in the afternoon was hardly unwelcome, though Anna wished she felt well enough for company. Instead, she put on a warm smile and shook her head slowly.

"Perfectly all right, milady," she answered, but Lady Mary didn't seem convinced, though she was polite enough to let the subject drop. Anna stood up for a moment and peeked through the open door that led to the backyard, content in seeing Beatrice and Lucy playing quietly while Jack and Master George played rather actively – possibly a pirate game. She smiled.

"Anna, leave them be. Do sit," Lady Mary said dismissively. "George has been bored with Sybil as his only playmate. She reads too much for his liking."

Anna smiled, though she doubted young George could be bored in a place like Downton Abbey. She knew Lady Mary more than once used him as an excuse to visit, and Anna wouldn't ever complain about that. Gone were the days where they were servant and mistress, but some manners were still the same and hard to break. It was strange to think that Anna hadn't been in service for over five years now; she had thought it would be hard, at first, after spending most of her life working, but her children kept her so occupied she rarely thought of it now.

"And how are you?" Anna asked, taking a sip of her tea.

"I'm well, thank you," Lady Mary said with an enigmatic smile. "Papa tells me you are taking the family for a day in London."

"Oh, yes. Mr Bates has business to do with the house," Anna explained. "Since he must go, we'll take everyone along. I'm not sure how it'll be with the three of them, but we'll try."

"I'm sure it'll all go wonderfully," Lady Mary said with a smile, her eyebrows arching as she spotted something behind Anna's shoulder.

Before Anna could turn around, however, the voices of her young daughters reached her ears and she saw their cute little faces, cheeks rosy from running, catching their breath as both of them held each one a yellow little flower, an effort to present her with a gift. Anna's heart leaped at that, taking in the adorable smiles they wore and the hopeful glint in their eyes. She remembered of their father, giving her flowers when she was sick in bed, so many years ago.

"For you, Mama," Lucy said excitedly.

"We picked them for you, Mummy!" Beatrice said. "The boys were playing on them and I stopped them!"

Anna beamed, taking the little flowers from their hands. "Thank you, my darlings," she kissed the girls' cheeks softly. "Why don't you pick some for Lady Mary too?"

The two little girls left in a hurry, their excited giggling filling the air, and Anna let out a chuckle when she caught Lady Mary's eye. There was a somewhat melancholic air on her face.

"You're very lucky, Anna," she said softly.

Anna smiled. "I know, milady. I'll be forever grateful for that."

* * *

Anna turned the lights off in the parlour before making her way upstairs. She could hear laughter and shook her head, despite the smile that had crept onto her face. John was supposed to put the children in bed, but she supposed he was having a hard time accomplishing it. She yawned just as she reached the top of the stairs, the weight of the day finally settling in, and lost her balance for a moment, one of her hands gripping the wall for support. With both feet safely planted on the ground, she let out a breath she hadn't known herself to be holding and looked around in the partly lit corridor.

It appeared she unconsciously reached for her lower belly in the midst of her misstep. She stroked the place through the layers of her nightgown, calming down as she felt the familiar movement of the baby inside her. She had only begun noticing it a few days ago, but it was becoming more and more frequent. She also realised it wouldn't be long until people could tell she was with child. Sighing, she ran her fingers through her hair and rubbed her belly once more before making her way to her bedroom.

Laughter echoed in the corridor but died down as Anna approached the door; the sound of a shush and a giggle followed. When she opened the door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband sitting on the bottom of their bed, and a mess of blankets and children. She let out a laugh, taking notice of Bea's dishevelled hair and Jack's grip on her own pillow, possibly planning to throw it on his sister.

"What in heaven's name is happening here?" Anna asked, refraining from laughing as she spotted Lucy's little foot slipping from beside the blankets next to John.

"We are just playing, Mummy!" Beatrice said in a way too innocent tone.

John snickered and Anna met his eye with an amused smirk on her face. She approached the bed in slow steps, just as Lucy crawled further into the bed covers before John's grabbed her little foot and revealed her, with her hair tousled and red chubby cheeks, making the little girl giggle loudly. Taking advantage of the momentary distraction, Anna proceeded to take the pillow from Jack and tickle him, prompting Beatrice to shriek in excitement and try to get away. Anna couldn't help but laugh out loud as she sat on the bed and hugged Jack close as the little boy made to get away. Beatrice kneeled closer to them and Anna brought her even closer, making her eldest daughter laugh at the movement. Anna looked at the furthest end of the bed to see John holding a still giggling Lucy and their eyes met. Their children were getting so big.

"Just playing, when your father was supposed to put you to sleep?" Anna scolded them gently, kissing the top of Jack's head as Beatrice sat on her lap contently. "Look at this ungodly hour!"

Indeed, it was late, but judging by the alert eyes of the three of them, they were nowhere near sleep now. John chuckled at her words, placing Lucy on his good leg.

"Mummy is right. It's too late for you to be up," John stated, but the children didn't seem happy with it.

"But I don't want to sleep now," Jack complained, looking at his mother with big eyes. Anna pursed her lips.

"I want to stay here, Daddy!" Bea exclaimed, folding her arms in front of her with a pout on her lips.

"Lucy too!" little Lucy said, though Anna was sure that by the smile on her face the little girl didn't know what all the talk was about, too eager to be like her siblings. John looked mildly surprised by their sudden outburst, and appeared rather helpless when he looked at her, obviously unsure of what to do next. Suddenly, however, a thought crossed her mind.

"Actually, Mummy and Daddy want to tell you something," she started slowly, looking at John as understanding crossed his features. He nodded almost imperceptibly, and Anna breathed out slowly. John loosened his hold on Lucy and she got up and walked tentatively over to Anna. Jack and Bea were looking at her with curious eyes. "Do you remember when Lucy was coming?"

Jack nodded slowly. "From your tummy."

"Yes, and now Lucy is here and you two are her older brother and sister," Anna said tentatively, aware that both Jack and Bea were much too young when Lucy was born. She still held her youngest attention, even though Anna wasn't sure how much she'd understand of it all. Anna touched her lower belly. "And now there's a baby growing in Mummy's tummy again. You are having a little brother or sister soon."

Bea's eyes grew large as she looked at her mother. "Tomorrow?"

John let out a hearty laugh and Anna joined him. "No, darling, not so soon. In a few months, Mummy will have a baby."

"I hope it's a brother," Jack commented, looking hopeful from Anna to John. "Can it be a brother?"

"No, I want a sister!" Bea intervened.

"It may be a brother or a sister," John offered. "We'll have to wait to find out."

This didn't seem to fully satisfy the children's wishes, but it silenced them on this subject. Beatrice seemed rather perplexed and put her hand on top of Anna's, her eyes full of questions. A smile appeared on her face after a moment, though.

"Is that the baby, Mummy?" she asked in a tiny voice.

"Baby?" Lucy asked, pointing to Anna.

Anna smiled and caressed her eldest daughter's cheek with her free hand. "Yes, that's the baby. Did you feel it?"

Bea shook her head slowly, though her light eyes shone in excitement, and it wasn't long until Jack and Lucy were imitating her, their little hands softly splayed over the material of her nightgown, the baby inside her making their first contact with their siblings – or whatever one would call it. Even though they couldn't feel their sibling yet, Anna was sure they'd have fun when they felt the baby for the first time – which would surely be soon.

"You'll be able to feel it soon," John said with a smile. "An elbow or a hand. Maybe a little foot," he caught Lucy's foot for fun, making the little girl giggle.

She caught John's smile and his eyes on her, and in that moment she knew exactly what he was thinking – how they never thought this would have been possible, years ago. He was right of course; this might not have been planned but she was grateful it happened, especially when her children seemed so excited at the prospect of another brother or sister. John let out a chuckle when Lucy planted her ear against Anna's belly, and Anna simply couldn't wipe the grin out of her face.

They'd be fine.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** This chapter was a bit of a struggle and shorter than the others, but there's so much ahead for them that I'm sure the next ones will make up for it. ;) Thanks Terrie for editing this ASAP! :) Hope you'll enjoy it! Thanks so much for reading! Feedback is always very much appreciated!

* * *

_Chapter Five_

Anna woke up in a daze, a sudden motion interrupting her sleep. It took her a few seconds to remember she was aboard the train, going back to Downton. She looked down and smiled at her little boy, sleeping peacefully and leaning against her side, with one of her arms safely around him. She smoothed his dark hair with her free hand and he remained asleep. Anna smiled. As much as Jack looked like John, he certainly had a less quiet and sleepier character than his father. She supposed it was only fair her darling boy got something from her.

Looking up to her side, she met John's eyes, unsurprisingly. He never slept on train journeys and she supposed he had his arms too full to even consider falling asleep. With Lucy seated on his lap and Beatrice snuggled close to him, both sound asleep, Anna absolutely marvelled at the picture they presented. He smiled. Anna yawned.

"Are we nearly there?" she asked him quietly, to not wake the children.

John nodded. "We should get there in about fifteen minutes, I'd say. How are you feeling?"

"Fine. My back hurts. You shouldn't have let me sleep so long in this position," she told him, but he raised his eyebrows. "I'm glad you did, though. I have a feeling I'll sleep well tonight. Too much excitement for one day."

"I can say the same about them," John said with a chuckle, eyeing their children.

Indeed, the children had been feeling quite adventurous during their day trip to London. Much to John and Anna's relief, they had behaved very well, even though the excitement of being in a bigger, different city clearly wore them out. Anna planted a kiss onto Jack's hair and admired his little face before eyeing Beatrice, who needed a haircut soon, she noticed, and Lucy, her mouth perilously open against John's coat. She shared an amused look with John before taking a deep breath and looking outside. It was dark already and she was glad John wouldn't have to go back to the Abbey tonight.

"What do you make of them, John?" Anna asked in a near whisper. "Will they buy the house?"

John pursed his lips. "They'll think about it. What is it that you tell me? Let's not count our chickens just yet."

Anna smiled at his response. The Collins seemed very happy with the house, as they were the last time Anna had seen them, and she had enjoyed talking to Mrs Collins and seeing her newborn baby. It seemed almost surreal that she would go through that once more and yet, when she saw the curiosity of her own children surrounding a small baby it only made it seem more right to her. As Mrs Collins entertained her, John had been talking business with Mr Collins and she wasn't quite sure if they had any agreement settled.

"He's keen and they do like the place," John told her. "I'm just not sure if they can cover the offer. But we'll see. We can always talk about that."

Anna nodded, hope filling her as her husband talked. It seemed like their lives were, indeed, changing.

* * *

"That was fast," Anna commented as John stepped into their bedroom after putting the children to bed. He smiled at her; she was already in bed, waiting for him, the long locks of her hair covering her shoulders, as every now and then she neglected to braid her hair to sleep. She knew how much he loved it that way.

"They were out like a light," John replied, sitting on the bed to take his shoes off. "As I thought you would be too, by the time I got here."

"Of course not. I needed to wait for my husband," he heard the smile in her voice and felt her shift on the bed. "I haven't heard all the business details yet."

John smiled as he took his waist coat off. "There aren't any real details. Just possibilities."

He felt Anna's hand sliding down his arms to help him out of the waist coat and sucked in a breath when he felt her lips on the back of his neck.

"I like possibilities," Anna said quietly, pressing herself against his back and planting a kiss on his cheek. Her eyes were glistening with mischief.

John started to unbutton his shirt. "I'm sure you do."

He was vastly distracted by Anna's hands on his shoulders and her lips on his neck, and the buttons on his shirt suddenly seemed so very complicated. He heard a giggle when he missed one button and glared at her, even though she pretended she hadn't seen it.

Frustrated, he gave up on the buttons and turned to her, capturing her lips in a somewhat surprising kiss. It was all too easy to get lost in Anna, and she sighed contently against his mouth as the kiss deepened. When he pulled away, her eyes were darker and she was catching her breath.

"I thought you were tired?" John asked with a smile, slipping an arm around her waist as best as he could, given their current positions.

She ran her fingers through his hair, and arched her eyebrows suggestively. "I'm suddenly not feeling tired anymore."

In a swift move, he laid her down on the bed, and silenced her yelp with a kiss to be sure they wouldn't be overheard. Anna was giggling quietly when he pulled away, her capable hands undoing the remaining buttons of his shirt a second later as she kissed him one more time.

They might have had a tiring day, as they had many, many times before, but sometimes it was still hard for him to believe that he was here, with Anna, every night and every day for the rest of his life. Her lips always tasted sweeter with each day, her smile always got prettier and her happiness never failed to make him happier.

They shared a laugh when he straightened up to take his shirt off and settled between her legs as a feast of kisses and touches began.

He suddenly didn't feel tired either.

* * *

John considered himself a very lucky man, and he had been considering so for many years now. Blessed for having a job at Downton Abbey, blessed for having the love of a beautiful, amazing woman, who had given him three beautiful children and more than just one reason to live. And now, after such happy years in their own cottage and living as a proper family, it seemed like everything was changing once again. One night, so many years ago, they talked of marriage, children and a hotel – and even though it took them a while to finally accomplish each of these, it seemed like they were finally complete.

He brushed his Lordship's coat softly, deep in his own thoughts and yet focused on the task. It looked as though his Downton years could be coming to an end soon; he was confident they'd sell his mother's house in no time and the natural step ahead would be to look for hotels and make a life for themselves, finally.

He missed working with Anna every day, meeting her in the halls and stealing their own moments, as they did so long ago. Now, however, there was so much more to the equation – the fact that their children were growing and he couldn't quite be part of it as much as he wanted, and the fact that another baby would be joining the family soon.

He bit down a chuckle. If in his youth someone told him he would have 4 children at this stage of life, he was sure he would have laughed at them.

"I trust that your business in London went well, Bates?" his Lordship's voice reached his ears, and John met his eyes through the mirror.

"Hopefully so, milord," John replied.

"I'm sure the children must have had a wonderful time."

"Oh, yes. It was quite an adventure for them," John smiled.

"You and Anna must have got your hands full with the three of them," Lord Grantham smirked. "The girls were too adventurous for their own good too, when they were that young."

"We can manage," John told him, fully knowing Lord Grantham probably didn't know how to handle three young children without the help of a nanny. "Hopefully it'll continue this way. Especially with Anna expecting again."

This made Lord Grantham turn around slightly, a smile playing on his features. "Another child? But that's wonderful news, Bates!"

"We are very happy, milord, and so are the children," John told him contently. It dawned on him that no one knew about the pregnancy yet, but them; it seemed only natural to start telling people now that the children also knew and Anna would be showing soon. "We hope this one will be as well-behaved as the others. Preferably more so, but it doesn't matter."

"Of course it doesn't," Lord Grantham's smile was quite infectious. "Give my best wishes to Mrs Bates. Very good news, my friend."

John smiled. He was a lucky man.

* * *

Anna grasped the edge of the kitchen table and took a deep breath. It seemed like the weeks of blissful pregnancy were just a false alarm. Her back still hurt, she felt dizzy and extremely tired. She could hear Jack and Beatrice's voices from the parlour and sat down, exhausted, closing her eyes for a moment. She would have to go to bed with the children tonight, without John; this was proving to be a rather challenging day.

She caressed her belly softly, simply out of habit. Her child had obviously decided it was time to be quiet while mother suffered the unwelcome effects of pregnancy. She opened her eyes again and felt a bit better. Anna sighed and sat back on the chair, relaxing a bit. Just as she did so, she heard the front door opening and the sound of clattering little feet and excited voices across the cottage. She had to smile. John was home for tea, it seemed, even though work had kept him from afternoon tea with his family for a couple of days now.

She stood up to check on the kettle for tea and John entered the kitchen, carrying a giggling Jack over his shoulder and with an excited Beatrice following them. Her husband's smile was bright and she vaguely worried about him carrying their son like that whilst walking with the cane, but if he could manage she wasn't about to complain; he did comment that morning that his leg had been feeling quite better these past few days. Anna rested her hand on her hip as she watched the scene slightly disapproving it all, albeit smiling all the same. Any doubts John might have had on parenthood before were so completely inaccurate when she saw him with their children, so naturally and so at ease.

He put Jack back on the floor and ruffled Bea's hair affectionately before looking at Anna with a smile reserved just for her.

She grinned. "I thought it was you."

"Hello," he said, taking a few steps before capturing her lips for a quick kiss.

His smile was persistent even when they pulled away, and Anna forced herself to look at the children, right next to them.

"Wash your hands before tea and we can all eat the biscuits we baked together," Anna smiled and both children exchanged excited glances at each other. "Jack, can you go see if Lucy is awake from her nap?"

The little boy nodded quickly and ran out of the room, his younger sister in tow. John looked around one more time before slipping an arm around her waist and drawing her in for another kiss, this time much slower. She sighed into his kiss, feeling better instantly. She opened her eyes when they parted and he chuckled. Anna threw a playful glare at him.

"What's got you in such good mood?" she asked him with a smile.

"Can't a man come home happy and appreciate his beautiful wife anymore?" he asked her in mock defence.

She grinned and shook her head. "Of course you can."

"Are you feeling better?" he asked, addressing her vague complaints from that morning.

Anna nodded slowly. "A bit, now that you're here. I do feel so very tired."

"Don't wait up for me tonight," John said as he walked to his usual chair and sat down. "Try to sleep earlier and rest."

She smiled at him. "If the children allow me. And only if you wake me up for a kiss when you get home."

The crinkles around his eyes were pronounced as his smile appeared again. "You can count on it, my darling."

They exchanged a compassionate look but were interrupted a moment later with Beatrice and Jack, announcing their little sister was still napping and that they were more than ready for biscuits. John chuckled as they sat around the table, excitedly telling their father all about the making of such biscuits with Mummy. Anna caught John's gaze on her as she put the kettle on the table and let out a laugh, feeling instantly so very happy to have him for tea.

* * *

It wasn't unusual for Anna to wake up in the middle of the night; motherhood did that to her. It was almost natural for her to wake up once or twice, check on the children, and go back to sleep in less than two minutes. John would be snoring and generally wouldn't even notice she was gone. Tonight, however, she found herself awake for a different reason. She was in pain.

Taking a shaky breath, she grabbed at her stomach tightly, trying to sooth the cramps away. In her experience, this wasn't normal to feel while expecting. Sitting up, still mindful of her sleeping husband on the other side of the bed, she shuddered. Slowly, Anna stood up and the pain went away, partially, and she decided that perhaps it would do her some good to wash her face and breathe. Quiet steps led her to the bathroom on the end of the hall, and she frowned when she turned the light on. She shuddered again at the coldness of the room and stopped in front of the sink to splash some water on her face, noticing she had been sweating. She briefly wondered what time it was. Perhaps she should go visit Dr Clarkson in the morning.

She sighed deeply and closed her eyes, closing the water tap. The pain had subsided a bit. Perhaps she could go back to sleep.

When she opened her eyes, however, she saw blood on the pale floor of the bathroom. Her breath caught on her throat and worry filled her body.

She needed to wake John.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** A longer chapter this time. Thanks Terrie for helping me out! I was at such a loss at first here but once I got it it happened. :) I know many of you were worried about it and I'm not sure if this is exactly what you wanted here... but what I can assure you is that a happy ending is in store for them - it will only take a couple more chapters to get there. There's still a lot to happen, so I hope you'll keep interested. Thanks so much for reading! Feedback is always very much appreciated. I'd love to know what you think of this.

_Review replies:_

_Guest - I hope to alternate the updating on this one story and Of Hope and Glory and I hope to have at least one update a week. We'll see how it goes. Thanks so much for the review!_

_Amy - I'm not one to say as I've chosen their names, but I rather like them myself! :)_

_Lourdes - Hopefully will update again in about two weeks or so. Sorry you had to wait a bit!_

* * *

_Chapter Six_

John looked up at Dr Clarkson with expectant eyes. Nervous. Tired. Worried. The past few hours were already almost a blur if he thought about it, and he wasn't particularly keen on doing so. Anna's hand was grasping his and her breathing was ragged. It pained him to see her in such agony. Hours ago, the doctor had given her something for the pain but it didn't seem to have made much of an effect. After a moment, Anna moaned and closed her eyes, her grip on his hand stronger than ever. One look at Dr Clarkson told him this wasn't going well.

Anna had woken him in the early hours of the morning, and the pained expression on her face had alarmed him instantly. John was glad they had a telephone installed in the cottage a few months after Jack's birth, and called for Dr Clarkson; it wasn't long before the doctor arrived, a bit dishevelled from the early hour, and pointed out the obvious truth neither he nor Anna were quite ready to hear.

They could lose the baby.

He had told them it wasn't completely sure as it could simply be Anna's body adjusting to the pregnancy, since the bleeding hadn't started long ago; however, as the minutes passed and Anna answered the doctor's questions, the pain coming and going, it became clear to him that the odds weren't in their favour. She hadn't felt the baby in over three days. Her back hurt. The cramps were getting worse. Nothing would stop the bleeding. Nothing would stop the pain.

It was still early and Dr Clarkson was vigilant by the bed, a worried look on his face. The children were still asleep, thanks to the closed doors and the hall that separated their bedrooms. John was surprised and glad that they hadn't been disturbed by the commotion yet. He wasn't ready to leave Anna's side and he was sure she wouldn't want the children to see her like this.

Having called the Abbey to let Mr. Carson know what was happening, John was now firmly planted by Anna's side. He met Dr Clarkson's eyes as they waited for Anna's pain to subside, and he knew. He blinked heavily and looked back at Anna, who was reopening her eyes now. He needed to be strong for her. He had refused to leave the room this time, as Dr Clarkson examined her, and he was glad he had stood his ground. Anna's eyes were questioning, staring at the doctor.

"Dr Clarkson?" she asked, her voice impossibly small.

"There's nothing we can do, Anna," he said solemnly, looking from Anna to Mr Bates. "You are miscarrying. I am so sorry."

He heard Anna suck in a breath and gulped in silence; the words hit him harder than he had expected. The baby would be gone. The baby _was_ gone. The only thing he could do was turn to look at his wife, who was breathing quickly now, still staring at the doctor, one hand on her belly and the other holding his hand. He saw her eyes fill with tears. Her hair was messy from the troubled night and the expression on her face was absolutely heart breaking. His vision blurred and he blinked furiously, looking at Dr Clarkson again.

"Will Anna be all right?" he nearly spit out the words, emotion raw in his voice.

Dr Clarkson nodded. "Yes. What she is suffering from is mild labour pain. I believe everything should normalise in a few hours."

It wouldn't normalise – nothing would normalise. After three beautiful babies, this one would be lost.

Anna let out a small moan – John wasn't sure if her pain was physical now. Dr Clarkson was speaking again. _Completely natural, not uncommon either. Anna will be better in a few days. Bed rest. Medicines. _John brought his chair closer and kissed Anna's hair, trying to be as careful as he could. _I will stay for a couple more hours to make sure the process is complete and nothing else will be necessary. It isn't your fault. _Her hand was still gripping his, hard. Harder than before._ The pregnancy wasn't viable. Anna's history is good and everything should go smoothly. _Tears were falling from her eyes more freely now._ I am sorry for your loss._

John nodded, and a sniff escaped from Anna. He abandoned the chair and approached the bed, sitting carefully beside Anna as she was in the middle of it. Dr Clarkson turned away to give them a moment. She sobbed when his arms circled her, her head resting in its natural place in the crook of his neck. Tears of his own fell. They were losing a child – nothing could be done about that. The hollowness in his chest was unbelievably bare as he tried to comprehend the situation and did his best to be strong, to be the support his wife needed.

The early sun light peaked its way into the bedroom, stubbornly against the curtains. It was a beautiful day outside. He wished he could say the same from inside their cottage; usually filled with laughter and children's voices. Morning kisses and goodbye smiles.

Today, sorrow filled John's eyes and it quickly got mixed with Anna's. There was something there that he hadn't seen in a long time; a little something he had vowed to do his best to never see again. Emptiness. Sadness. _Pain_. Her sobs were interrupted when another wave of pain hit her and her hand gripped his so tight, so strong, almost out of this world. There was nothing he could do about it; he was completely helpless, and Anna was even more so.

Dr Clarkson approached the bed to check her temperature. The eyes that gazed at John, the ones he had always stared at with such love, such adoration, lacked a sparkle. His heart tightened and his lips were pursed in a thin line as his hand caressed Anna's cheek and they exchanged a silent look of despair.

He had failed his mission.

* * *

Dr Clarkson told them there wasn't much to be done, but John had never felt as powerless as he did now; not even when his children were born. It was agonizing, to see Anna in pain and not be able to do anything. She seemed to be in a daze, still unaware of what was going on – he couldn't blame her. It was hard to grasp reality; he was having trouble with it himself. As John applied a cold cloth to Anna's forehead, however, reality presented itself.

"Mummy?"

Jack's small voice reached their ears, and John's heart sank. Time seemed to stand still for a second, as his wife's eyes met his. The children would know something was wrong; they deserved to know. It was quite heart breaking that they had been safely sleeping while everything happened. Jack's voice was incredibly soft but slightly alarmed; John figured he must have gone downstairs and was met by no one. Anna blinked away tears and her voice was weak and came out in a whisper.

"Take care of them," she said, and he knew it broke her heart.

He nodded weakly and kissed her temple, closing his eyes and breathing in her scent. Reaching for his cane, he stood up, albeit regretfully, though someone needed to look after the children and he knew Anna would rather have him than anyone else. He nodded in acknowlodgement as he passed Dr Clarkson and walked towards the door. His leg was a bit stiff, but he barely felt it. Two pair of eyes met him just as he walked into the corridor – eyes just like Anna's, and the same troubled expression he had seen on his wife's face multiple times, only now in the features of Jack and Beatrice.

"Daddy!" Jack's features softened and he met him halfway, his sister in tow. John abandoned the cane and crouched down, his eldest children fitting perfectly on his arms, still fresh from sleep, still unaware of what had happened. The tears threatened to spill from his eyes once more but he fought them.

"Why are you home?" Bea asked as she pulled away, furrowing her brow. "Where's Mummy?"

"Mummy is sick, poppet," John told her, smoothing her hair and looking from her to Jack, who turned very serious. "Dr Clarkson is with her, getting her better. I'm home to take care of you."

"Will she be all right?" Jack asked quickly.

John nodded and closed his eyes for a moment. "Yes, Dr Clarkson thinks she'll feel better soon," he feigned a smile for them. "Now, let's make breakfast."

Half an hour later he left the children in the kitchen, who seemed excited to have him home. He had fixed them some porridge, as best as he could, and they were quite satisfied by it, drinking milk contently and chattering away about their plans for the day. If they felt the mood was different they did not say it, though their voices were lower than usual and questions about Anna came up frequently. She had promised Bea she'd cut her hair today; they would go to the village too to buy Jack things he would need for school, soon. They seemed worried and asked more than once when they could give her a good morning. John had smiled and said that would be soon. They were, indeed, such sweet children.

They were still having breakfast as John walked up the stairs carefully, intending to check on Anna and Lucy. The silence upstairs both frightened him and gave him hope. Just as he got in the upper floor, their bedroom door opened and Dr Clarkson emerged from it.

"Mr Bates," he said quietly, closing the door behind him.

"Dr Clarkson," John's throat felt dry. "How's Anna?"

"She's as well as she could be. I will stop by in the afternoon to see her," the doctor said. "It's safe to say it's over. Now we should just make sure she's comfortable and well-rested."

"Is there anything I can do?" John asked helplessly.

Dr Clarkson took a deep breath. "Make sure she stays in bed for the next couple of days. I wouldn't want her doing any work this week. She needs to recover fully and that might take some time."

"Of course."

"I gave her something to ease the soreness and she should fall asleep soon," Dr Clarkson said. "I am really sorry to see you under these circumstances, Mr Bates."

John nodded. "Thank you. I'll pay you now."

"We can sort everything out this afternoon. Go to your wife," the doctor said kindly. "I'll see myself out."

John breathed out another thanks and walked to their bedroom's door, opening it slowly. He could see Anna, resting her head on the pillows, staring into nothing. Her hair fell onto her shoulders, which appeared almost lifeless now. Her hands were folded against her belly and John fought tears again. He stepped into the room, but she did not turn her head and look at him; he heard a sniff. His steps were careful and resolute. Even in the darkness of the bedroom, of the situation, and sorrow on her face, Anna was so beautiful, and so strong. His heart swelled – with pride, with grief and with love. He sat slowly on the bed, next to her and she met his eyes finally.

The strength he always found there seemed to have disappeared as her eyes filled with tears and her hand twitched unconsciously. He grabbed it and caressed her skin lovingly.

"John…"

A sob left her and he pulled her into his embrace, careful to not hurt her, doing his best to comfort her when it was so difficult to do so – so impossible to do so. He kissed her hair as she sobbed silently against his shirt, his own tears falling against the skin of his cheek over something neither of them expected – just as everything seemed to be going in the right direction, life threw yet another unexpected and uninvited surprise at them. John let out a breath and caressed Anna's back softly. They had each other.

And, together, they cried.

* * *

Anna sighed as she pushed the tray away, unable to eat. John had been kind enough to make some soup, and she could hear him going on with the children downstairs; they had made a visit to her in the late afternoon, just before dinner, and she didn't like the look of worry in their little faces. Even Lucy seemed to know something was wrong, and it broke her heart. Still, she wasn't hungry. She had slept most of the day thanks to Dr Clarkson, and he had been adamant that she was well and healing – only needed rest. She felt a kind of soreness in her body that she hadn't felt in a long time; it was almost too much and still left her numb, somehow. An emptiness.

The baby was gone – it was all so pointless now. How could she think of it as mistake, once or twice? How had she thought of it as a complication? It never was. Oh, if it wasn't for John to lift her spirits… Maybe she shouldn't have gone to London with them. Trips could be tiresome. Maybe she had been working too much. Maybe… maybe it had been her fault.

She leaned back against the pillows and looked out the window; it was dark outside and she could see her own reflex now. Anna took a deep breath and couldn't blame the children for being worried. Her eyes were swollen from crying. She was exhausted. How could so much change in the space of just a few hours? Yesterday she fell asleep to happiness and the prospect of new life in a few months.

Tonight… there was no life. The baby was gone.

She felt a tear on her cheek and wiped it away with the back of her hand; a bitter smile was on her lips as she thought she had cried all the tears she had. It apparently wasn't the case. She took a deep breath and tried to control the tears. John would come in soon. It wouldn't do well for him to see her tears once more. He was doing so much for her already – she felt so undeserving of it. He had to take the day off to make sure the children were well taken care of, to make sure she was all right. And she knew he was hurting too. It all seemed so unfair, to him, to them – to the children. They could never take anything for granted. She learned that long ago. And yet… she seemed to need to be reminded of it every now and then.

The door creaked loudly and John's face appeared there, knocking softly to not startle her. His eyes were kind and he was smiling softly. She tried to smile back.

"Are you done?" he asked, eyeing the tray. Anna lowered her eyes and nodded. "You have very anxious visitors who would like to see you before bed time."

He opened the door and she noticed he was carrying Lucy, and Jack and Bea appeared right behind him, all clad in their sleep clothes. The smile on her lips was natural now – her children had that effect on her. They seemed a little unsure of what to do, as they had been a few hours before, and Anna's heart swelled with the love she had for them. She patted the bed beside her softly.

"Come here with Mummy," she said weakly, but Jack climbed the bed promptly, followed by Bea. "Come and give me a hug, each one of you."

John put Lucy on the bed and moved to get the tray out of the way. He gave her a disapproving look when he noticed she had barely touched the soup. She was given the opportunity to ignore him as Jack encircled his little arms around her neck, giving her a tight hug. She closed her eyes and fought the tears once again, moving to hug Beatrice. They were all smelling of soap and of them, the sweet smell of her children filling her nostrils. Lucy was next, having crawled her way to Anna, extending her little chubby arms excitedly and repeating 'Mama' in a way that made Anna laugh.

"Hello, baby," Anna said, cuddling her youngest close to her chest, marvelling in her baby smell even though she was growing up so fast. John sat by Anna's feet, a somewhat sad smile on his lips. They exchanged a compassionate look before Anna looked at Jack and Beatrice, who were snuggling against her as she cradled Lucy to her other side.

"Careful there, little ones," John said alarmingly as Bea rested her head on Anna's lap. "You don't want to hurt Mummy."

"They're not hurting me," Anna said softly. "On the contrary."

"Daddy cooked, Mummy! And he cleaned the house too!" Bea said excitedly. "He was just like you!"

"Really?" Anna let out a small laugh, looking at John.

"Yeah, but he played with us too," Jack offered, "and he let us play in the garden without our shoes!"

"That was supposed to be a secret, son," John said heartily, but Anna smiled. "I'll wash their socks tomorrow."

"I never thought you wouldn't," Anna told him quietly. "Will you not work tomorrow?"

"I spoke to Lord Grantham. You need to rest this week, so I'll be home," John explained. "If Jack, Bea and Lucy don't mind, of course."

"Silly Daddy!" Bea said with a smile. Lucy nuzzled into Anna's neck.

"But Mummy, aren't you feeling better?" Jack asked a bit worriedly, looking up at her.

Anna smiled. Her sweet boy. "I am. But I need to rest so I can heal properly. That's what the doctor said."

The little boy nodded with a serious expression on his face, seemingly rather perplexed by it all. His sisters were contently silent, marveling in their mother's presence there, but Anna knew Jack wasn't entirely convinced. She let out a shaky breath and locked her eyes with John's. The children needed to know. She closed her eyes and nodded slowly.

"Mummy was ill and the baby was very ill too," John started, the words flowing slowly from his mouth. He had the children's attention. "The baby was very weak."

"But the baby is healing now too? Like Mummy?" Jack asked in a hopeful tone. Anna blinked furiously to fight her tears.

"The baby was very weak and small. It wasn't strong enough to survive," John explained to them. "It's gone now and Mummy needs to rest to feel well again."

"So no baby?" Bea asked, sitting up rather abruptly and looking up to her father.

A tear escaped Anna's eyes and she sniffed, attracting Jack's attention, who looked at her worriedly before giving her a hug.

"Don't cry, Mummy."

"I'm sorry, darling," Anna wiped her cheek slowly. She looked at John, who appeared to be in a struggle for words.

"No baby," John's voice was almost a whisper and Bea crawled her way to John.

"But why?" she asked, and Anna knew the little girl was on the verge of tears too.

"Because sometimes that's just what happens," her father told her as she climbed onto his lap. He kissed her head and looked at Anna. She noticed he too was shaken. She mouthed him 'thank you' for explaining it all; she imagined it was as difficult for him as it was for her.

"Mama sad," Lucy's small voice broke her out of her reverie. "Lucy sad."

Anna let out a breath and looked at her baby girl, tears already threatening to fall onto her soft cheeks. She shook her head at her, and Jack squeezed his arms around her neck softly.

"Mama is very happy to have you all," Anna told her, caressing her cheek. "Very happy. And I'm sure you'll help me feel better very soon."

Anna cradled her children close to her and looked at John at the end of the bed, cuddling Bea slowly. She tried to smile, and it was natural, albeit a small one. A look of understanding passed between them. She was right; they were starting to make her feel better. One of John's hands squeezed her ankle through the covers of the bed. They had more than each other. They would overcome this, as they had with so many things before. They only needed time.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** Sorry it took a while to get this updated! I assure you Of Hope and Glory isn't abandoned either - hopefully it'll be updated soon. Thanks so much for everyone who has reviewed so far - would love to know what you think of this! Feedback is always the best form of encouragement. :) Thanks for reading!

* * *

_Chapter Seven_

Anna laid her book down, sighing softly and admiring the day before them. It was a bit cloudy but still pleasant. She was safely sitting on the bench on their porch, overlooking the children who played in the small back garden; at the moment Jack was running and Lucy was chasing him, still too young to keep up with her brother. She smiled and shifted a bit on her seat – John had made it very comfortable indeed with cushions and even a blanket over her lap, which she promptly took off as soon as he left. He was a bit over zealous but she couldn't blame him – and it was rather endearing.

Funnily enough, so were his children, all three of them. They had been reluctant when in the previous day Anna insisted on going downstairs to have luncheon with them, and the nervous glances they kept throwing at her had been a mix of adorable and anxious at the same time. She hated to make them worry – they were far too young to worry. Still, it had only been two days; she supposed it was still too soon to want them to have it forgotten. Jack was the one who most worried, as it was; often asking her if she wanted something or if she was comfortable, when John wasn't around. She had chosen his name wisely, five years ago – her little John was very much like his father.

It was indeed too soon for anything. Dr Clarkson had visited her earlier in the day and seemed a little bit alarmed that she was still bleeding – he had told her it was normal, but that they should still be vigilant. It was what happened when a pregnancy wasn't so new, he had said, and his words, albeit innocent, hurt her. She couldn't help but remember how worried she was when she first learned of the pregnancy – how it took her days to get adjusted to the idea of another child. Anna took a deep breath. She knew she couldn't blame herself for what happened but her mind kept going over the multiple times she had wondered if another child would be a good idea. And it had been, such a marvellous idea, as she had come to realise a few days after the news, a few days with John making her see the joy that it was. Another child to add to their wonderful children – another brother or sister. Another baby. A new life, just as they had been planning a change in their lives. But it wasn't meant to be.

And it hurt way more than the physical pain of it all.

Anna sighed once more and looked up, realising her eyes had been cast down instead of focused on her children. She saw Bea running towards her, and guiltily smiled – her little girl was holding her doll precariously by the arm, her brow furrowed in deep thought, at times, so much like her father, and stopped right in front of her, catching her breath, her dark curls bouncing over her shoulders. She greeted Anna with a cautious look.

"Mummy, are you not feeling better?" Bea said sternly, still frowning. "Daddy told us to make sure you feel better and Jack doesn't think you are."

"I am, darling," Anna told her softly as the little girl took a seat beside her and grabbed the quilt over to them. "Do not worry."

"Polly is sick too," Bea said in a small voice, "I don't like it."

"You don't?" Anna asked. The little girl shook her head slowly. "She'll get better, I'm sure. We can give her a cuddle. Come here."

Bea smiled and promptly sat closer to Anna, who hugged her daughter and planted a kiss on her head, while she held Polly on her lap. In the backyard, a few feet from them, Lucy fell down and before Anna could even think about going to see what had happened the little girl was giggling loudly, Jack helping her to her feet. She saw him throw her a nervous glance and she tried to smile reassuringly, which prompted him to get back to playing. Bea shifted in her arms and looked up with a smile. A wave of emotion hit Anna when she smiled back, doing the best she could at the moment – no matter what had happened she still had three children and she couldn't have even imagined they would be as perfect as they were.

"What is it, darling?" Anna asked softly, putting a lock of Bea's hair behind her ear.

"Nothing. I just love you," Bea blurted out, her innocent sincerity not realising the power of her words.

"And I just love you too, Beatrice May Bates," Anna kissed her forehead, "Are you not interested in playing with Jack and Lucy?"

"I want Polly to get better. She was lonely and she was sad," Bea told her, her eyes fixed on the doll.

Anna's heart sank at her daughter's words.

"Well, we can't have Polly sad, can we?" John's voice made mother and daughter turn around, and Anna was sure they both smiled at him. "Maybe she would like to play now? I can stay here with Mummy."

Bea's face lightened up at the prospect. "All right, Daddy!"

She was on her feet at once, though she made sure the quilt was over Anna's lap and she looked warm. She watched as the little girl walked away, holding the doll closely as she joined her siblings. Anna took a deep breath and turned her head as John sat where Bea had been just moments ago. She noticed he looked rather tired – she supposed that even if he wasn't working full time at the Abbey it was far too much for him; to look after the children, and herself. The pang of guilt hit her once more.

"Did you sleep well, John?" she asked, frowning.

"Not much, but nothing to complain about. You know I'm more than used to it," he reached for her hand slowly.

Of course she knew he had been used to insomnia, for years. But she also knew he hadn't had any sleeping problems in the last few. She decided not to push the subject.

"How are you feeling?" he asked at last, stroking the back of her hand softly.

Anna shrugged. "As well as I could be, I suppose. How are you?"

"As well as I can be," John offered the same answer, and she glared at him. He smiled. "Everyone is sending their best wishes. Mrs Hughes will try to visit again later."

"That's very kind of them all," she averted her attention to the children again.

"Yes. Very kind," he agreed, and when he said nothing else Anna turned to look at him – he seemed lost in his own world for a moment. She squeezed his hand. He smiled at her. "I'm sorry."

"It's all right," she tried to smile back. She found it quite hard. "I hope His Lordship doesn't mind you missing so much work."

"He understands the situation. They all do. It's not a problem," John told her softly. "This is not the best time, but… A telegram arrived when I was there. For me."

"Oh," Anna muttered. "What is it?"

"The Collins want to buy the house," he explained, "Mr Collins requested a meeting in London so we can discuss it. I may have to wait a while before I can go after the past few days but I think they'll cover the price. If they do, we can…"

His voice was excited, and it made her happy that he seemed excited about something for the first time in days. He stopped talking abruptly, a bit at a loss, maybe, and it reminded her of a night many years ago – where their plans had been put in the open for the first time. So much had happened since then.

"We can start over," she completed his sentence, captivated by it all. "That's wonderful, darling."

"Yes. Some good news, at last," he commented, an arm draping over her shoulders in a careful manner.

She found that it relaxed her almost instantly, and she rested her head on his shoulder, suddenly feeling so very tired – things were indeed changing. She felt him drop a kiss on her temple and breathed in his scent. "It didn't come in the right time, but…"

"No," Anna interrupted him, closing her eyes. "I daresay it came at just the right time."

Perhaps it could be the change they not only wanted, but needed now.

* * *

Anna turned off the stove and checked on the food once more; the pie was nearly ready and she hoped John would see it as a nice surprise instead of worrying if she had done too much for one day; she felt perfectly well, having taken things easier for the last few days, and he had been very helpful too, but she knew he was eager to get back to work and she thought it would do them both some good to return to normalcy – it felt as if that would be the first step to properly heal. And yet, she wasn't sure if she even wanted to.

She sighed quietly and washed her hands in the sink, looking outside merely by habit; John should be home in just a little while, from the London train. She had to admit she was quite curious as to what the outcome of his trip would be, but not as much as before. Somehow, in the last few days, the idea of leaving Downton seemed quite sad to her; Jack would be starting school soon and she wasn't sure if the change would be good for them anymore. What had motivated them had been the fact that they had no space in the cottage for a new baby. Of course they could make do, but it wouldn't be comfortable for the children. Still, they were growing up so fast. The girls deserved their own bedroom as Jack deserved his. There were so many things to consider, and everything was still so raw in Anna's mind that she wasn't completely sure of what she wanted anymore.

Deep inside, she couldn't help but think it had all been her fault somehow – the need to move, the miscarriage, the selling of John's mother's house – she couldn't help but think none of it would have happened if she had been more careful in the first place. About all of it. Perhaps the trip to London had been a mistake; perhaps she should have been more open to the idea of a fourth child from the start – like John had been. John, who had done everything right from the start. Unlike her.

She felt a tear slip from her eye and wiped it rather furiously, refusing to cry once again; she had cried enough this past week. It wouldn't do well to any of them if she weren't strongenough to get past this. While her logical side was very much aware that the miscarriage hadn't been her fault, it was difficult not letting her emotional side twisted with it. She had wanted that baby; and if she was honest with herself, she still wanted it. A new brother or sister that Jack, Bea and Lucy would care for and a new baby for them to raise. Still, the emptiness in her chest – and womb – made itself known more as every day passed. Empty. There would be no baby.

She let out a quiet sob and closed her eyes, breathing slowly as she managed to control herself. Dr Clarkson had told her just yesterday how long these things took to heal; not only physically, but psychologically as well. She was healing – but some days seemed to be worse than others. She wiped her tears and took a look at the clock when the patter of small feet echoed in the cottage, along with excited little voices. The children had been quiet the past few days, probably an order from John to not disturb her, and she wasn't quite used to it yet.

John had an excited glint in his eye and she understood it immediately when he entered the kitchen moments later, followed by the children; he had sold the house. It wasn't theirs any longer. Or, it wouldn't be, after the transactions. And an immediate relief ran through her, though she didn't know exactly why. This was what they had been planning to do for years and years and it was finally happening.

They postponed any conversation about the subject with the children present. They seemed excited and Bea joked – though Anna supposed it wasn't really a joke – that she had missed her mummy's cooking and was glad to finally eat something other than eggs, which seemed to be John's specialty. It did bring a smile to Anna's face, even if they were still being so quiet – especially Jack, who she supposed understood the situation better than his sisters – and she did laugh when John managed to make Lucy eat all of her food and even Bea clapped at that. They made plans for the week; John would go back to work in the morning and she thought she was up for a trip to the village to buy the supplies Jack needed for school soon.

All back to normal.

* * *

John entered the children's bedroom to wish them goodnight with a slight smile on his face; this was the first time in a week where things seemed to be well again. Lucy was fast asleep when he got there, and he stroked her cheek softly to not wake her up. Bea was not far behind her sister, merely muttering a weak goodnight when he kissed her forehead. Jack, however, was wide awake, which John found rather odd. Anna had told him the little boy had helped her throughout the day, even with the house tasks, and she had mentioned how tired he must have been, not used to doing much beyond play.

John sat down on the edge of the bed and smiled softly at his son, who was frowning. Clearly something was on his mind. Before John could ask him what was wrong the little boy spoke, quietly to not bother his sisters, ever the thoughtful child.

"I don't think I want to go to school anymore, Daddy," he said, and John's eyes widened as this was not what he expected to hear. Leave it to Anna's son to be so straight forward.

It was intriguing, nevertheless; Jack had spoken of nothing but school for the past few months, especially since John taught him to read, maintaining nearly daily discussions with Beatrice as to why she could not go to school at the same time as his brother. He had always been a most curious child, and very smart too, and his interest in books had manifested quite early, probably because of his father's influence. So, to hear that the five year-old was not interested in going to school anymore was quite a surprise – and not a good one.

"Of course you do, Jack," John told the boy in a soft whisper. "You'll meet new friends and learn many things Mummy and Daddy can't teach you. I'm sure you'll love it there."

"But I don't think I should go," Jack insisted, his little eyes, albeit sleepy, clearly still alert. "Who will look after Bea and Lucy and Mummy when you are working? Mummy is still sad because the baby is gone. I don't wanna make her sad because I'm not here."

John's lips contorted into a sad smile. Jack was worried about his sisters and Anna and was willing to sacrifice school for that. John sighed; he wondered how was it that Anna always said Jack was so much like him. His son's stubbornness and cleverness clearly came from his mother.

"Mummy and I are still sad about the baby but we are both very much happy to have you and your sisters," John whispered, holding Jack's attentive gaze. "She would be very sad if you told her you do not wish to go to school. She's excited that you are going."

"But… won't she cry?"

John smiled again. "She probably will, but because she is happy to see you going to school and learning all sorts of things."

Jack nodded thoughtfully, twisting his fingers in a somewhat nervous manner. His eyes were still a bit confused when he looked at his father again.

"She was crying today."

John's smile faded. "Your mother?"

The little boy nodded again. "She didn't see me. It was before you got here. She was sad. I don't like it when Mummy is sad."

"Me neither, son," John agreed, pursing his lips. "Your mummy is a very strong person. The strongest person I know, and one day you will understand that. She's sad now but I'm sure she'll be happy again soon. Especially when you make her proud at school. All right?"

He pinched Jack's button nose and the boy let out a laugh.

"Do you promise me you won't worry about going to school again?" John asked him softly. "Mummy is excited to take you shopping for your supplies tomorrow. You will have fun. And Mummy will be happy."

"I promise, Daddy," Jack told him. "Bea won't be very happy."

John smiled. "She will be, just sad she'll have to wait until next year. You'll need to be careful with your pencils or she'll get them all."

The boy's eyes widened. "I will be very careful!"

John let out a laugh and leaned down to kiss the boy's forehead. "Goodnight, son."

"Goodnight, Daddy."

The boy seemed at rest as John left the bedroom, letting the door slightly open and limping quietly to his bedroom's door; he had left his cane there and his leg was starting to bother him after a long day out. It had been no surprise to him or to Anna that the house was sold, and he had thought that he would feel a bit nostalgic or sad about it, at least initially. He was, however, very much glad about it all. His mother had known, years ago, that he did not intend on moving to London ever again, so even though it was a bit sad to see the house where he spent years of his life in finally go away to someone else, even if it had done so long ago. It was gone now – and the money would be used to grant them a dream they had thought of so many years ago.

It was a delicate time, however, and Jack's little confession only made him realise how raw it all still was. John knew Anna would be glad, but he also knew she needed more time to adjust, to everything now. There wasn't much that could be done – only time would be able to help them, and he was willing to wait for as long as needed to make sure Anna was happy.

He found her in bed already, eyes open but quite sleepy. She was laying on her side, facing the door. He saw this as a good sign; she hadn't slept well all week, not without a calming tea or some medicine Dr Clarkson gave her.

"You took your time," she commented, her voice a bit hoarse.

He crossed the small path to his side of the bed and slipped in beside her. His hands went around her waist carefully, slowly, and she leaned her back onto his chest, letting out a sigh.

"Just having a conversation with Jack," he explained, kissing her temple. "He's a worried little fellow."

"Sounds like someone I know," she commented, but he thought he detected a hint of sadness in her tone.

"Indeed," he agreed, thinking about her. "Anna. Are you all right?"

It took her a few seconds to answer to this; one of her hands came to rest on top of his on her waist and she took a deep breath. Her eyes were closed.

"No. But I will be," she told him. Her voice faltered next. "As long as you're here."

He kissed her temple again. "I am here."

"I know," he felt a slight smile in her voice. "Goodnight, John."

He stirred behind her, getting comfortable for sleep. It wouldn't do well to push her for more specific answers, especially when he knew the cause of her sadness and torments. She would be fine – they both would.

"Goodnight, darling," he whispered, and her even breathing indicated that she would be asleep soon. "I love you."

"And I love you," she whispered back, her voice weak with sleep and he took a deep breath, taking in her scent.

Even though they were both hurting, it was quite amazing how Anna still maintained her faith in him – in them. And that was more than enough to assure him that things would be fine.

He hadn't been lying to his son when he said Anna was the strongest person he knew.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** A new fluffy chapter to start the week with! I figured we need as much happiness as we can before Series 4 starts and we're starting to get to the end of this one - but we still have quite a way to go, so it would be awesome to know your thoughts so far, if you stick to the story until now. Big thanks to Terrie as always, who not only edited but also gave me some nice ideas for this chapter. :) Thanks so much for reading!

* * *

_Chapter Eight_

Anna shook her head at all the toys abandoned on the parlour floor by her three children, who were now sitting together on the couch as Jack tried to read his sisters a story. They had quite the talent for bringing all their toys down during the day and forgetting to pick them up, though Beatrice tended to be more careful about where her toys were. Now however both she and Lucy were quiet and listening to their brother's words. Maybe it was just mother's pride, but her little boy had a way with words – just like his father, it seemed. John was sitting on the other couch, reading today's The York Observer.

She slowly made her way to the centre of the small parlour, ready to take the toys away, when a warm, bigger hand encircled hers. John tugged at it, and she turned around with a smile.

"Leave them for tomorrow," he said, his fingers lacing with hers. "Best to be busy then."

He was right, of course; just the thought of her little boy going off to school and spending the day without him made her heart ache a bit, even if it was only for a few hours. She would have to admit that she was a bit nervous for him, even if Jack was so excited to be going. What if he missed her? What if he felt sick and she wasn't there? The possibilities were many and none of them were particularly attractive to her. John was right – she would need to be busy tomorrow. She would _want_ to be busy tomorrow.

"Come on, sit with me," he said in a low tone, careful to not disturb his children's quiet reading.

She acquiesced, happily so, snuggling up against him. His arm slipped around her shoulders and she rested her head against him, taking a deep breath and inhaling his scent. Quiet evenings like this one made her wish they could have it every day of the week; her children spending time together, enthralled in a book, and John's arms around her as he read the news – a quiet time she once thought it could never be possible, except for her dreams. They were rare as it was, nowadays; John was rarely home early enough to catch the children still awake, even though she knew he did her best. Thankfully, today, his lordship decided against a late night and that guaranteed them a bit of family time before they all succumbed to sleep.

The doctor's recommendations hadn't been surprising at all and Anna was following them faithfully; it had now been two weeks since they lost their baby and, while still recovering, she felt physically fine to work and the children were getting back to normal too; what with John away for most of the days now, their old routine was getting back on track, though he had been managing to show up once or twice during the day to check on them.

She sighed softly as John's hand stroked her shoulder through her dress, and she grew bored of the newspaper he was reading. Sitting up, she reached for her knitting bag just on the other end of the couch and remembered she had promised Bea a new dress for her doll. As she peeked inside the bag to get her needles, however, the first thing she saw was a half-finished baby boot she had started, before the loss of the baby. Her breath caught in her throat and her eyelids fluttered ever so slightly in surprise, not expecting this at all. In the haze of the last few weeks, she hadn't been able to knit at all, and the small boot she had yet to finish had been forgotten. A pang of guilt was caught in the bottom of her stomach and she felt a shiver ran through her body.

John's hand squeezed her shoulder softly and she turned to look at him, his questioning eyes on her. She took a deep breath and glanced at the children – Bea and Lucy still focused on the words Jack was reading, their eyes on the book, admiring the drawings.

"It's nothing," Anna said quietly, taking her work out of the bag. "I was just… making this. A few weeks ago. It's fine. I'll just undo it."

His eyes were understanding. "Oh, Anna."

She let out a sigh and nodded, tears picking at her eyes. Her fingers traced the pattern of the light yellow boot. Impossibly small – baby small.

"Keep it," John said quietly. "Just… keep it there for a while. You don't need to undo it now."

Anna nodded again, sniffing loudly and unfortunately causing Lucy, whose attention seemed to not be on the story anymore, to look at them.

"Daddy, stowwy!" Lucy squealed, apparently sick of her brother's storytelling. It never failed to amuse Anna how those two little words were learned quickly but her youngest, always so eager to listen to her father's tales.

"What, you don't want to listen to Jack anymore?" John asked them with a smile, his hand going from Anna's shoulder to her cheek, reassuring her as words would not do in this moment.

Lucy shook her head and Bea agreed. "Jack doesn't make funny voices like you do. Please finish this, Daddy!"

"If Jack doesn't mind," Anna added, captivated by their daughters' eagerness.

Jack was quick to shake his head, already leaving the couch to join them. In a matter of seconds, their son was right between the two of them, Bea on John's lap and Lucy on Anna's, the knitting long forgotten; surely it would come up at some other time, but perhaps it would be for the best to leave the little boot alone for now – until they were safely above this all. For now, Anna would appreciate a quiet evening with her family, and perhaps not worry too much about her eldest child going to school in the morning.

* * *

Anna read the words in the newspaper slowly, a bit surprised at seeing advertisements circled, and it brought her back to memories of many years ago, of the two of them sitting in the servants' hall, circling hotel advertisements and making fun of the possibilities that would come with them – long before their marriage, even before his first proposal to her. This was the first time he approached the subject openly, since those days, and she found that it left her with a warm feeling in her chest – nostalgia, perhaps, or just longing at the memory of those days.

She was in bed, ready to sleep, and John was changing clothes just a few feet from her; there weren't many circled items. Two of them were located further south, and another in Northumberland. Only one seemed closer to where they lived, and not even so much.

"What do you think?" his voice was eager.

Anna smiled. "Well, it's a start, I suppose. Are we going to start looking soon, then?"

Her husband stopped suddenly in front of the bed, a bit taken aback by her question. "You think it's too soon?"

"No. No, of course not," Anna answered as John joined her in bed, "I guess I dreamt about this for so long that now that it's here I'm not sure how to react. Northumberland, though?"

His face fell. "You don't like it?"

"I had hoped we could find one in Yorkshire. Closer to our friends," Anna explained. "The other hotels don't seem very promising, though."

"Yes, I'm not sure I like the sound of some. And it would be better if we had independent accommodations, away from the hotel," John said.

Anna nodded. "Yes, and with more rooms than we have here. Jack should have his own bedroom," she made a face and laughed. "We don't want much, do we?"

"Well, my dear," he started, kissing the side of her face. "we've rarely been in the position of making demands but I daresay that's just where we are right now. This is supposed to be for the rest of our lives."

Anna hummed in agreement. "I know. That's why I'd prefer it if it was located in Yorkshire. But of course we'll need to consider everything."

John shrugged. "I'm sure we'll hear more now that summer is nearly over. Perhaps a little hotel in Scarborough?"

She chuckled. "Scarborough? How much would a hotel there be, I wonder?"

"It would probably be within our price range, my darling," he said, and she turned to look at him in mild surprise. "Quite a change to be able to make such demands, isn't it?"

Anna giggled, turning to read the paper again. "Indeed. You won't want to get me used to it, Mr Bates."

John chuckled. "Maybe that's exactly what I want, Mrs Bates."

* * *

"There you go," Anna said, handing Bea the mirror so the little girl could look at her hair; it had been too long but her daughter had been adamant she did not wish to cut it. Stubborn as ever, of course, and Anna had not been surprised. Soon enough, however, Bea grew tired of having to push the hair out of her face while playing, and Anna had been allowed to cut it – not much, just a little – according to her daughter's wishes. So young, and yet already so opinionated. "Do you like it?"

"Yes! Thanks, Mummy!" Bea said excitedly. Anna chuckled and turned to get the floor cleaned.

"It looks much better now that it's not on your face," Anna said with a smile. "Your sister might need one soon."

Anna had just finished the floor when there was a knock on the front door; she had been trying to keep busy for the most of the day now that Jack started school, and she had succeeded so far. Her little boy had been only smiles when she left him at school, barely waving goodbye as he excitedly ran around – she supposed she had nothing to worry about, especially when he didn't seem worried at all, but she would only be completely sure when his class was over, in a few hours.

Before she could even think of getting the door, however, Bea was quick to get up from the chair. "I'll go see who is at the door!"

Anna shook her head and followed the girl out of the kitchen, into the narrow corridor; Lucy was sitting on the parlour's floor, occupied with biscuits and two dolls, though she was now very much interested in the direction her older sister had been running to. Bea's curls were bouncing as she opened the door, and jumped excitedly when she saw that Mrs Hughes had been the one knocking.

"Mrs Hughes! Look at my hair!" Bea immediately said, shaking her head just a bit.

"I see, and it's very pretty!" Mrs Hughes said with a kind smile. This seemed to make Bea happy.

Anna chuckled. "All right, darling, let Mrs Hughes come in now, please," the little girl did as she was told and left for the parlour. "I just cut her hair."

The older woman let out a chuckle. "I'm sorry for showing up unannounced, but we had some time after luncheon and I thought I'd stop by."

"It's a good surprise, Mrs Hughes," Anna smiled, walking back into the cottage.

"Mr Bates mentioned this is Jack's first day at school so I thought I'd stop by, and see how you have been doing," the housekeeper said.

"Are you sure Mr Bates didn't send you here just for that?" Anna laughed as they walked into the parlour. Bea had joined her sister on the floor and was now combing a doll's hair. "Lucy, say hello to Mrs Hughes!"

"Hi, Mrs 'Ughes!" the little girl happily said as she looked up, a bright smile on her face. Anna smiled as Mrs Hughes' face lit up at the sight of her youngest; she knew how much the housekeeper loved the little girls, and Jack too. In many ways she was part of their family.

"Hello, wee angel," Mrs Hughes said, stopping for a moment to caress Lucy's cheek. "Are you and Bea behaving here, without Jack?"

Lucy giggled and Bea nodded faithfully, a serious expression on her face.

"Do take a seat, Mrs Hughes," Anna said. "They did behave very well this morning when we all waved goodbye to Jack. Bea even helped me prepare his lunch, didn't you, Bea?"

Bea nodded happily and Anna smiled at her.

"I've just started to make tea and the girls and I made biscuits this morning," Anna told the older woman. "I'll go get some, as Lucy has already devoured the ones I left here."

"I can get them!" Bea offered, standing up immediately and surprising Anna. "Lucy and I can go help you, Mummy!"

"Well, all right then," Anna frowned slightly then smiled. The two little girls strolled innocently to the kitchen, their excited giggles making Anna shake her head.

"They definitely seem to be very well," Mrs Hughes commented with a chuckle, but the worried glance with which she presented her in the next second didn't surprise Anna in the least. "How are you doing, Anna?"

Anna smiled a bit sadly. "I'm all right. Jack made it easy for me this morning. He was very happy to be going to school."

"I'm sure he was," Mrs Hughes agreed. "But that's not only why I was asking. Are you recovered now?"

Anna nodded. "Almost completely. I still have an appointment with Dr Clarkson tomorrow," she sighed tiredly. "But yes, I've been just fine."

"I know your body has, but has your heart, too?" Mrs Hughes asked tentatively. "You know better than I do that some scars are invisible to the eyes of others."

Her words made Anna's breath falter a bit and she nodded slowly.

"It's not… it's not easy," she started. Maybe it would be good to talk to someone other than John; Mrs Hughes had been visiting quite frequently but they had a silent agreement of not mentioning it. "Dr Clarkson says there was nothing we could do. About any of it. I had been surprised but we were all happy. And everything had always gone so well before, even with Lucy… I didn't think anything would go wrong this time."

"We can never be sure of what life has in store for us," Mrs Hughes said kindly.

"We all should know that by now," Anna let out a shaky laugh and laced her fingers together. "I am aware that the… that the baby is gone but it's still hard to believe sometimes," she shrugged. "The children help, so much. And Mr Bates too."

"You are in good hands, indeed," the housekeeper said, touching her hand ever so lightly. They exchanged a knowing look through watery eyes. "I'm sure everything will be back to normal soon."

Anna nodded with a smile. "Thank you, Mrs Hughes," she took a deep breath and decided to change the subject. "Mr Bates wants to have a picture of all of us taken this weekend. We were going to wait a few months but there's no point in waiting now. The girls are excited."

"Oh, but that would be wonderful," Mrs Hughes said, clasping her hands together. "I remember the last one you had taken. Little Lucy was just a young baby then!"

"She was. They are growing up too fast, if you want my opinion," she sighed and frowned at the silence in the cottage. "And they have been gone for too long too. Let's go to the kitchen and see what they are up to. Tea should be ready too."

They stood up and walked towards the door that led to the kitchen in a comfortable silence, and Anna was glad that Mrs Hughes stopped by for a visit as frequently as she did – she wouldn't mind if she showed up more often either. It was far too easy to get busy at Downton Abbey and even though Anna knew all about the hustle and bustle through John, it wasn't quite the same as it could be detailed by Mrs Hughes, and it made Anna feel like she was still a part of the house, in her own way – as so much of her life had been spent there.

When they got to the kitchen, however, Bea was holding a pair of scissors perilously close to Lucy's hair and out of the corner of her eye Anna noticed some locks of dark hair on the floor before she snapped the scissors away from her oldest daughter, as both Mrs Hughes and the two little girls held surprised expressions on their faces.

"Beatrice! What do you think you are doing?" Anna asked as the little girl looked down to the floor.

"You said Lucy needed a haircut too, Mummy!" Bea offered as an excuse, and Anna crouched down to take a proper look at Lucy's hair.

"I said she would need one soon, but not today," Anna said quietly, running her fingers through Lucy's hair and noticing where it was cut immediately. The little girl looked very serious. "See? She can't have her hair like that. We'll need to cut a little more to look good again."

"I just wanted to help you, Mummy," Bea said in a small voice. "I'm sorry."

Anna turned to look at Beatrice, and couldn't get angry at her daughter's innocent words. "It's all right, darling. You didn't do it on purpose. But you need to let me take care of these things. And what did I tell you about scissors?"

"That we can't use them," Bea looked down again. "I'm really sorry, Mummy."

Anna exchanged a look with Mrs Hughes, who appeared to be on the verge of laughter. Anna shook her head and smiled. "It's all right, darling," she turned to Lucy again, whose wide eyes seemed to be an indication of not knowing if she was in trouble or not. Anna let out a quiet laugh. "Lucy Margaret Bates, what will we do with your hair now?" she pursed her lips. The little girl's blue eyes were still questioning. "What do you think, Mrs Hughes? Can we make this young lady's hair pretty again?"

Mrs Hughes smiled. "That shouldn't be difficult at all."

The smiles the two little girls showed them made it impossible for Anna to be mad.

Jack was still talking excitedly about his first day of school when John arrived, later that day, for supper with the family, as he did every now and then in order to have some time with the children as more than often they were asleep when he was done with work. The little boy had not been disappointed and seemed to have made friends easily, which made Anna very happy and much more relieved than before. In the midst of hugs and kisses, she heard his tales about his first day and what he learned at school, and he had been quick to tell all about it all to Bea and Lucy, who listened with much curiosity and attention. John kissed each one of their children and didn't even have to ask Jack about his first day before the little boy started talking.

John chuckled and kissed Anna's cheek as their son talked animatedly. Anna was sure Jack would sleep well tonight; his excitement was bound to leave him tired very, very soon. She was smiling as John slipped an arm around her shoulders, and whispered softly to her to not disturb their son's talking.

"What happened to Lucy's hair?"

Anna stifled a laugh. "I'll tell you all the details later."

He arched his eyebrows. "You kept busy, then."

She smiled softly. "We did."


End file.
